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The Beautiful Game (2024)
Soccer, but it's not about winning :)
That's just hilarious. Yesterday, I rated Atlas, with a budget likely exceeding $100m, a 1 out of 10, and today I'm rating The Beautiful Game, with a budget likely just a tiny fraction of that (<5m), an 8 out of 10, and honestly, I don't even like soccer. The difference: great story, great -fun- actors, based on something real, no silly CGI effects (at least I didn't notice them), a nice contrast of emotions, a grand tour of Rome (where's my espresso machine), and an awesome music score too. Well, at these 2 hours made the 10 minutes of Atlas (what a total waste) bearable again. It should make anyone wonder if Holly-crap-wood will ever be able to escape the misery they're currently in, as clearly the UK is doing a lot better with their movies. Thoroughly enjoyed the weird wacky selection of characters, so thumbs up to whoever did the casting. Again, great movie, most definitely worthwhile watching, and there may even be the occasional tear.
Atlas (2024)
Another horrible waste of resources
Wow, didn't even survive the first 10 minutes. What an utter mess! Everything seems wrong in this production, as it's yet another "movie" that seems to be resting on shallow acting, a script made of spaghetti (likely 80% A. I.), horrible music-score and lots of 'pew - pew - pew' sounds. Sorry guys, but a movie needs to be so much more than dumb CGI for the sake of dumb CGI. You can stick all your guns and bombs where the sun doesn't shine. To the new generation of movie-makers I can say three things: stop drinking energy drinks, watch some proper Sci-Fi movies where the story is more important than blowing things to smithereens, and darn-it, read some classic Sci-Fi books - like a 1,000 or so to begin with. Ah well, don't even want to waste too many words on this drama. First Rebel Moon and now this... Netflix your quality is going down the drain and I'm getting a bit tired of my subscription. Guess it's time to start shopping around.
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012)
Great movie, really bad science though.
Honestly, I loved this movie. Think the acting was great, the story interesting, and the ending, well... can't say too much without giving it away. What I really, really disliked about this movie is the use, or should I say misuse, of science. Imagine, a plethora of scientists have accurately determined the trajectory of some asteroid and have been able to exactly determine the time and place of impact of this planet killer. It will impact in 3 weeks, so better get your last meal ordered and that bundy jump done. Oh wait... we scientists made a mistake... the asteroid is going to hit a week earlier than calculated. Hey wait... in a week's time the Earth has moved give-or-take 18 million kilometres in its orbit around the Sun, so unless this asteroid has the size of some really big star, it's going to miss its target by give-or-take 18 million kilometres, as clearly an asteroid size of 70 kilometres, or miles for where that even matters, would not be of any significance. So great movie, really bad science!
The Silent Sea (2021)
Don't waste your time on this crap
Sometimes I start wondering why I even bother to write reviews anymore. The endless crap being produced seems, well..., endless. Do I have anything good to say about this Sci-Fi series? Nope, not really. So where to start? Once arrived on the surface of the Moon our astronauts do their best to simulate the Moon's gravity with their Monty Python funny walks, which makes sense considering the Moon's gravity is approximately 1/6 of Earth's gravity, so walking will be very different indeed. However, the moment they enter the station, gravity seems to dramatically change and running does look pretty much like the running on Earth does. At least they could have given physics some consideration, but that must have been too difficult for the writers. The endless copy-catting of movies like Alien, Space 2001, and even the music from Interstellar, it's just sad seeing the lack of creativity and imagination. Watched 2½ episodes but gave up, as it only seems to be getting worse, with endless shots of brainless farts calling themselves scientists running cluelessly through corridors. What an enormous waste of resources and money. So, sorry, but a 1 out of 10 (and that's being generous). Would have given it even less if that would have been a choice.
Captain Fantastic (2016)
A perfect mirror showing a broken civilization.
Finally, a movie deserving a perfect score. Haven't given one away for a while. Yeah, it seems many countries these days are indeed undereducated and overmedicated, its population turning fatter than morbidly obese pigs, and the majority clinging on to religious nonsense like their soul depends on it. Well, here's some news for you, it does not. Religions are money and power greedy machines, hoping for that bit of extra control and income. It's perfect seeing all these people rating this movie a 1 or 2 out of 10, as clearly, they do not like being held a mirror in front of their face, as the truth, we all know, can be quite painful. It's just hilarious seeing the religious nut-cakes getting so upset when they're getting served what they're really all about. The only thing I was missing in this movie was the disinfectant killing 99.99% of all germs, whereas without them, we wouldn't even exist. A human body carries approximately 2 kilograms of "germs" in their guts helping us to digest food. We're actually in full symbioses with them and would die without them, but hey, better wash your hands with those disinfectants before you pick up your holy scripture fairytale stories. So, yes, great movie, wish they could make more of these.
Oppenheimer (2023)
Utterly overrated!
Not sure what to say, but I'll try. This movie is one huge disappointment to me, and really questioning the rating as such. Nothing seems to work in this movie. The acting is horrible, the cinematography is really poor, the B&W shots in between are highly annoying, the script is a mess, the sets are cheap and feel inaccurate (not saying they are though), the music is just 100% wrong, and I could go on like this for quite a while. It's just endless political babble by individuals seeking fame, power and recognition. Thought it would cover more hard science, and less politics, but ultimately this was not to be. The whole movie could have been cut down to 30 minutes without having lost any of its core message, which was still conveyed in a lousy way. Would have been better to show some actual footage from what has happened in Japan. Anyways, sorry, but for me, this was just a 1 out of 10.
3 Body Problem (2024)
Not bad, but expected so much more from this production.
Well, I most definitely loved the book, but the series... It's okay, but somehow, I expected so much more. The first four episodes is where it all seems to happen, and the binary army computer is just beautifully made - guess crowd simulation often seems to do the trick. Episodes five to eight seem a bit of a timewaster with nothing much happening in them. Looking forward seeing The Dark Forest and Death's End, but not sure if it will be holding up to my expectations. Anyways, it's not a bad Netflix production, but it's also not one of their best. Believe that series like the Queen's Gambit would have been a whole lot less expensive to produce with ultimately a better impact. Think in this case the book still has my personal preference, but who knows, Netflix may up their game and rethink their strategy for the next two books. It just needs to be a whole lot better than this. So, not bad, but not holding up to the book.
All the Light We Cannot See (2023)
Beautiful production that will keep you on the edge of your seat
Wow, that was awesome! The cinematography, special effects, acting and sound were all just perfect. There was just one thing that kept me from scoring this production a 10/10, and that's the simple fact that in France the people speak French, and Germans, guess what, speak German. If the actual actors (they should have been chosen from the various European countries) would have spoken their native language at the appropriate times, and maybe broken English when communicating with each other, then yes, it would have deserved a perfect score, but unfortunately, they did not, and it made the whole production a so much less believable experience. Having said that, love how this production appreciated the small details, and for some reason, I think I've also fallen in love with old tube radios now. Anyways, sincere admiration for the whole team that put this mini-series together - most definitely high quality - loved every second of it!
Irish Wish (2024)
An annoying show of Botox and elite extravagance
An annoying show of Botox and elite extravagance. Is this really what the world has turned into? Repeating every single story that has been done as 100x over and presenting it as something new and exciting? What a total drab of a movie. The only character that was somewhat interesting was the actual Irish fairy, especially when she disappeared into oblivion. Okay, some of the nature shots were okay, but that, well..., is nature for you. Honestly, why this bombardment of elite extravagance thrown into the face of the audience? Is it really necessary to show all that wealth obtained by force, slavery, extortion and corruption? Guess the message was clear, the elite making their fame and money over the backs of honest people, at least that seemed to be correct. And please, stop using all these Botox actors and actresses, just use real people, not the fake blown up Barbie dolls, sick and tired of that nonsense. Anyways, a movie that has been done a 100x before, so based on that, a complete waste of good resources. It's time for something new!
Don't Look Up (2021)
Everything about this movie just flopped big time
So much potential, such an interesting message, what could have, should have, would have, ended up being a total disaster of a movie, if it even deserves such a label. The issue... the chosen actors, a bunch of egotistic self-obsessed arrogant snobs who somehow believe they've got it. Well sorry, they should have selected real people that are actually able to convey some feelings to the viewer, most likely fresh actors picked straight from the academy that would still have some real passion in them and don't overplay every single - badly written - script line. Actors that didn't get into their positions by sucking up to the likes of Harvey Weinstein. So, sorry but no, everything about this movie just flopped big time for me, everything but the actual message though, as that seemed correct in all its horrible details. And this movie was supposed to be humorous? Well sorry, it did not have a single funny moment in it that made me smile.
Gyeongseong Keuricheo (2023)
Wow, wow, and again, WOW!
Wow, wow, and again, WOW! This series is amazing! Am only half-way, but am really enjoying what I'm getting served. The actors are great, the sets are great, the story is awesome, and yeah, sometimes there's a low-poly 3D model that seems to sit in the set somewhere with hardly any texture on it, but hey, hardly anyone would notice this. Many shots are just so well made, cinematographically, that it makes you wonder why Hollycrap can't do this anymore. The series to me seems a blend of "Stranger Things" meets "Elfen Lied" meets art-deco. Anyways, two thumbs up here, as I'm also learning something about the relation between Korea and Japan, that honestly, being originally from Europe, I knew nothing about, but made me poke my nose in the history books. Again, my appreciation and respect for the whole team that sits behind this production, please make more of this, as it's top-notch quality.
Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
This is just garbage, no, worse than garbage!
Decided to stop watching this crap after 45 minutes of wasted time. It has the feeling of being made by amateurs, rather than by a professional crew. Some of the animations were okay, but if that is all there is, then really, you have nothing. Every scene seems "borrowed" from other movies, and where have we seen rebels against the empire before? The thing that ruined it for me, really utterly and completely ruined it, were those dumb slow-motion shots, as it takes away all believability that one is immersed in some extragalactic fairy-tale. This seems more like an ongoing Sci-Fi horror show of C-grade quality. Can't believe that this "movie" has blown away $90,000,000 (or more). Please, we need real directors and producers with actual talent and new great stories, as this is just garbage, no, worse than garbage!
Wifelike (2022)
Deep sigh - too bad for words!
Wifelike? More like WTF-like! Getting a bit tired of the cheap rip-off movies with want to be actors that have no issues humping themselves to fame with a high likelihood of later claiming to be abused by various directors and producers. This movie is a complete heap of garbage with zero taste and/or respect for science fiction. Kind of wondering if the producers have ever picked up a book in their lives, but likely they were too busy sticking their minds into the world of adult movies. Deep sigh... moving on to the next movie... but think it's time to cancel that Netflix subscription again for a number of years. Again, don't waste your time on this movie - it's crap!
Napoleon (2023)
Je ne comprends pas!
Well, sorry, but 1 out of 10 based on the trailer, as it's highly unlikely for the FRENCH to be conversing in ENGLISH all the time. What the hell is Holy Crapwood thinking, that they can accurately portray history by making everyone speak English? So, no, I would not be spending my money on this garbage, regardless who directed it, as the premise is simply wrong from the very start. They could have hired French actors and have made it a proper production, but hell no, make it another useless multi-million dollar crap-buster for the mindless masses who give a crap about reality or history. The more I think about Ridley Scott, the more I believe he's highly overrated. Alien... well, that was still H. R. Giger for me, and had not a lot to do with Ridley's talent, but then again, I may well be wrong there. Let's see what else is playing these days in the cinemas.
Andromeda (2000)
It's so bad, it's almost fun to watch!
Wow, that's a pretty high rating for a series that has zero appeal. Every single episode is just more of the same nonsense, with badly modelled space-ships shooting on anything that moves. So much sound in vacuum, it's unbelievable. Trans and Harper play their characters okay, but the rest is just blergh, and more blergh. The intros with those dumb wisdom quotes - who the heck came up with that idea - he/she should be fired immediately. The soundtracks are beyond bad, and the sound effects even worse (slapstick quality). Most episodes seem to have been shot in the same Styrofoam caves, and for whatever reason it always takes 10 seconds to walk across an entire planet. Every season you're asking yourself when it gets better or more interesting... well... it does not. Okay, let's shoot at the first person that walks in, and then ask the question what they were actually there for in the first place. Oh wait, another spaceship I can fire some rockets at. Wondering who sponsored this dumb series: the department of defense? So, if you like bad Sci-Fi, yeah, then hell yeah, this series is for you, otherwise just stay clear away from it.
The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)
Like a cold cup of tea with hardly any taste to it.
Overall it's an okay movie, but not really much more than that. Could only rate it a 5/10, which is a shame really as I expected so much more from this movie. After giving it some thoughts I decided there are two reasons why the rating is lower than expected. The first one is the voices of the characters. With the exception of the highly depressing fire-spark sitting in its cage (or whatever it was), the voices seem mostly a rather bad choice. Think this might be related to the fact that the movie is trying to stay too politically correct by not stereotyping Italians, although really... serving pasta with mushroom sauce. Mario and Luigi should have had real super-strong Italian accents (Izze me di MA-rioooo fromme di Pizzaaaaaasss). The second reason is the lack of humour, the humour from for example a Shrek movie. Clearly Mariobros is not suitable for small children, and hence should have adapted itself to a much more mature audience. It kind of felt as flat as a Ghibli movie without the artistic feeling that Ghibli movies typically have. Maybe it's a Japan related culture thing, but honestly they should have hired some Brits to add some more spark to it. So, the movie wasn't bad, but it certainly wasn't great either. Anyways, that's my two pennies worth.
Znachor (2023)
Beautifully produced - will become a classic.
What a nice surprise of a movie! Kind of liked everything about this movie. The actors are great and don't come across like spoiled Hollywood brags. The backdrops are calming without too much overwhelming design, just simplicity of rural living. The music seems appropriately selected and the cinematography is beautifully done. Yeah, the end is predictable, but at the same time something the viewer is expecting from it, so can't fail this either. Anyways, a well deserved 10/10, and believe me when I say that I don't often give movies this rating. It's a story that needed to be told, and I'm so glad it's not done by Hollywood. Thumbs up!
Knock at the Cabin (2023)
20 million flushed down the proverbial sewer!
Apparently, it's not enough to get all the nonsense of religious hocus-pocus shoved down your throat each and every day on this silly planet. Nope, on top of that we also need to get alphabet people shoved down our throat each and every day. Will this nonsense ever stop? Mmm... I guess not, still doesn't mean I have to buy in to all this nonsense and forced political correctness. Dave Bautista was the only actor worthwhile watching, and I'm not even sure what his role actually was to be honest. Another 20 million flushed down the proverbial sewer. What a waste of time and resources. Guess our religious "leaders" seem to have some money left in their deep pockets to keep funding humanity with fear and destruction. What a crazy world.
M3GAN (2022)
Chucky meets Terminator meets A.i. (the movie)
Interesting take on Chucky meets Terminator meets A.i. (the movie). Yeah, when you have companies like Microsoft launching products filled with undocumented features (if you mention the word bug within Microsoft you get fired on the spot), then clearly the outcome of this movie might well become reality sooner than you would like to believe. Was watching a documentary only last week where I saw Bill Gates mention that new products (vaccines) should be hitting the market faster and this made me question his sanity and underlying motives without being a supporter of any conspiracy theories as such. It felt more like he had become a mad scientist outgrown the safety constraints of his own ego. Anyways, playing with molecules and playing with artificial intelligence is equal to playing with humanity's future. Good movie, although nothing that hasn't been made a dozen times over, but still, movies that cover robotic A. I. are still fun to watch, so I rated it a 6 out of 10.
Vikings (2013)
What's the deal with those ridiculous accents?
Both Vikings and Vikings Valhalla are excellent productions and an interesting representation of history, dramatized as may be. Having said that I cannot rate them higher than a 1 out of 10 for the single reason of the ridiculous accents used by all the actors. The series would have been an absolute 10 out of 10 if the original languages would have been used, because as far as I know the Scandinavians would have spoken one or more Scandinavian languages and most definitely would not have spoken English with a ridiculous accent. It's okay for a couple of minutes, but episode after episode it becomes more than highly annoying to say the least. Ah well, it's still worth watching, as long as you mute the whole thing and just show subtitles.
The Witcher (2019)
Started great, but each episode tumbles further into boredom.
The Witcher started as a great promising series, but unfortunately with each new episode released the series seems to tumble deeper and deeper into an endless amount of spaghetti driven narrative written by the worst script writers ever. Having just watched the last couple of newly released episodes I decided to bring down my review score back to the absolute minimum of a 1 out of 10. Do viewers no longer comprehend the difference between something that is quality produced and cheap rubbish produced for the mindless masses? Well, I guess not. Next time when you start rating a series make sure you've at least read a couple of good fantasy books and understand the value of proper character and story building. I just can't watch this boring crap anymore! Please bring back quality for the sake of quality.
The Watch (2020)
A blatant insult to Terry Pratchett's Discworld series.
Sorry to say this, but this series is just a blatant insult to Terry Pratchett's work. It's a social agenda shoved down the viewer's throat and it's disgusting. Personally, I have admired the Discworld series and have read every single book in the series, but coming up with this garbage is a direct assault on everything the Discworld stands for. Neon-lights, graffiti, and concrete parking garages do not belong in Ankh-Morpork. If you're a Discworld fan then this series will destroy any picture you've ever created in your mind within the first 5 minutes and then some. Stop raping books, and stick to how the author intended it.
Don't Worry Darling (2022)
How are the sex-scenes adding value to the story?
Overall this movie has some great moments, although deja-vu isn't lacking (another Edward Scissorhands town). Would have rated this movie a lot higher if it wasn't for the totally unnecessary sex-scenes that added zero value to the movie and makes you wonder if this is the only way Hollywood "actors" move their way up the "acting" career ladder. It seems any Hollywood movie just can't seem to do without rubbing it in your face these days. Anyways, the idea behind this movie is great, and makes you ponder about the definition of reality, and what it means to be human. Do love the way the 50s were depicted in this movie, with all its colors, retro furniture, cars, and separation of duties based on gender. Think the exit portal could have received a bit more pizzazz as well as the "other" side. Anyways, great story, but the execution could have been much better.
BigBug (2022)
L'arte parfaitement!
Had zero expectations watching this movie, but oh boy was I delighted afterwards. It's quirky, it's arty, it's humorous, it's very, very French, but at the same time has an interesting serious message behind it all: the power of human love and humor versus deeply serious and highly troubled A. I. The acting is just fantastic, and the cinematography, lighting and special effects all add their own intrinsic value, rather than simply dominate and take over. It's funny when one realizes that this type of movie would simply never be produced in Hollywood, as the only movies Hollywood produces are highly repetitive and monotone (yes, some exceptions). If you don't appreciate art, and you don't appreciate satire, then I agree, this movie is nothing for you and you just should keep watching more utterly boring unartful movies, but I for one, loved this movie. It's definitely made my day a bright one again.
As Above, So Below (2014)
Horror? * snorts *
Well, thinking let's watch a horror movie for a change was a big mistake. Everything about this movie is just wrong. The story is crap, the cinematography is crap, the sound is horrible, the lighting is crap, and the actors, well, let's not even go there. Did these people even read Dante's Inferno before they started playing their roles? What a complete utterly boring 90 minutes. The first 30 minutes was just endless Parkinson footage with the camara flying all over the place, and literally nothing happened, and the next 60 minutes was a bunch of lame idiots traversing the same stretch of "cave" over and over again trying to give the viewer a sense of horror. Nothing happened that even came close to horror, or produced even the slightest scare effect. Yeah, think they watched Stranger Things and thought we can do that upside-down effect too, but the thing is that in Stranger Things it actually served a purpose, and in "as above, as below" it serves zero purpose. The only title that seems appropriate to the 'movie' seems "Below quality indeed". So, spare yourself some time and wait for something like Evil Dead Rise to open in the cinemas, as that looks a lot more like real horror to me.