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Quotes
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General Chang : [over the public address speakers] "I am constant as the northern star."
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : I'd give real money if he'd shut up.
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General Chang : [prosecuting] Dr. McCoy, would you be so good as to tell me? What is your current medical status?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Well, aside from a touch of arthritis, I'd say pretty good.
[some scattered laughter from the audience; McCoy smiles, but sees Chang, unsmiling]
General Chang : [unamused] You have a singular wit, Doctor.
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Captain James T. Kirk : I'm going to sleep this off. Please let me know if there's some other way we can screw up tonight.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : I'm gonna find myself a pot of black coffee.
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Captain Spock : Doctor, would you care to assist me in performing surgery on a photon torpedo?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Fascinating!
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Captain James T. Kirk : Bones, are you afraid of the future?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : I believe that was the general idea that I was trying to convey.
Captain James T. Kirk : I don't mean this future.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : What is this, multiple choice?
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[the crew enter the bridge]
Kirk : Once again, we've saved civilization as we know it.
McCoy : And the good news is they're not going to prosecute.
Uhuru : They might as well have prosecuted me. I felt like Lt. Valeris.
McCoy : [looks at Spock] Well, they don't prosecute people for having feelings.
Chekov : Just as well, or we'll all have to turn ourselves in.
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Captain James T. Kirk : Bones, I'm wearing a veridium patch on my back! Spock slapped it there just before we went on Gorkon's ship!
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Why, that cunning little Vulcan!
Martia : Come on! We're in the clear!
Captain James T. Kirk : Now that we're outside the shield, they'll be able to locate us two sectors away.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : If they're even looking for us.
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Captain Spock : The lieutenant was the first Vulcan to be graduated at the top of her class at the Academy.
Captain James T. Kirk : You must be very proud.
Lieutenant Valeris : I don't believe so, sir.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : She's a Vulcan, all right.
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Captain James T. Kirk : Where's that damn torpedo?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : It's ready, Jim. Lock and load!
Captain James T. Kirk : [clenches fist] Fire!
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Captain James T. Kirk : [Spock has beamed Kirk and Bones aboard just before they find out who framed them] No! No! Of all the - son of a - Couldn't you have waited two seconds?
Captain Spock : Captain.
Captain James T. Kirk : He was just about to explain the whole thing.
Commander Pavel Andreievich Chekov : You want to go back?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Absolutely not!
Captain James T. Kirk : [whispering] It's cold.
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Captain James T. Kirk : [Valeris has just engaged thrusters to take Enterprise out of Spacedock] Thank you Lieutenant, ahead one quarter impulse power
Lieutenant Valeris : [spins in chair to face Kirk] Captain, may I remind you that regulations specify thrusters only whilst in spacedock.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : [the bridge crew cough loudly, Chekov shakes his head, Uhura tuts softly. McCoy leans in to tease Spock] Jim?
Captain James T. Kirk : You heard the order, Lieutenant...
Lieutenant Valeris : Aye, sir!
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Martia : You're Kirk and McCoy, I presume.
Captain James T. Kirk : How did you know that?
Martia : We don't get many presidential assassins.
Captain James T. Kirk : We didn't kill Gorkon!
Martia : Of course not. But there is a reward for your death.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : That figures.
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Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Are we firing torpedoes?
Captain James T. Kirk : I wish I knew.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Well, it sure looks like it.
Captain James T. Kirk : I'm going aboard. Spock, you have the conn.
Captain Spock : I'm responsible for involving you in this. I will go.
Captain James T. Kirk : No, I'll go. You'll be responsible for getting me out of this. We'll not be the instigators of full-scale war on the eve of universal peace.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : I'm going, too. They may need a doctor.
Captain Spock : Perhaps you're right.
Captain James T. Kirk : Uhura, tell them we're coming, and tell them we're unarmed.
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Lieutenant Valeris : I did not fire. You cannot prove anything.
Captain James T. Kirk : Yes, I can. At my trial, my personal log was used against me. How long did you wait outside my quarters before I noticed you?
Lieutenant Valeris : [to Spock] You knew? I tried to tell you, but you would not listen.
Captain Spock : Neither of us was hearing very well that night, Lieutenant. There were things I tried to tell you about having faith.
Lieutenant Valeris : You have betrayed the Federation... all of you.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : And what do you think you've been doing?
Lieutenant Valeris : Saving Starfleet. Klingons cannot be trusted. Sir... you said so yourself. They killed your son. Did you not wish Gorkon dead? "Let them die," you said. Did I misinterpret you? And you were right. They conspired with us to assassinate their own chancellor. How trustworthy can they be?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Klingons and Federation members conspiring together?
Captain James T. Kirk : Who is "us"?
Lieutenant Valeris : Everyone who stands to lose from peace.
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Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : [watching the Excelsior depart] By god, that's a big ship.
Scotty : Not so big as her captain, I think.
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Kirk : [6:58] What are we all doing here?
McCoy : Maybe they're throwing us a retirement party.
Scotty : That suits me. I just bought a boat.
Uhuru : This had better be good. I'm supposed to be chairing a seminar at the Academy.
Chekov : Captain, isn't this just for top brass?
McCoy : If we're all here, where's Sulu?
Kirk : *Captain* Sulu, on assignment. Where's Spock?
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Captain James T. Kirk : Some people are afraid of what might happen. I was terrified.
McCoy : What terrified you, specifically?
Captain James T. Kirk : No more Neutral Zone. I was used to hating Klingons. It never even occurred to me to take Gorkon at his word. Spock was right.
McCoy : Try not to be too hard on yourself. We all felt exactly the same.
Captain James T. Kirk : No. Somebody felt a lot worse. I'm beginning to understand why.
McCoy : Well, if you've got any bright ideas, now's the time.
Captain James T. Kirk : Time's the problem. You and I are nothing. But you heard the judge. The peace conference is on again. Whoever killed Gorkon is bound to attempt another assassination... unless we can get out of here.
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[Spock and McCoy are heading for the Torpedo bay]
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Bet you wished you'd stood in bed!
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Admiral Cartwright : I don't know whether to congratulate you or not, Jim.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : I wouldn't.
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Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Chancellor Gorkon.
Captain James T. Kirk : My god. What has happened here?
General Chang : You dare to feign ignorance?
Captain James T. Kirk : What happened?
General Chang : With a direct torpedo hit, you crippled our entire gravitational field! And two of your Starfleet crew beamed aboard wearing magnetic boots and did this.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Aren't you carrying a surgeon?
General Chang : We were until this disgrace.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Well, then for god sakes, man, let me help.
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Captain James T. Kirk : On occasion, I have disobeyed orders.
General Chang : And were you obeying or disobeying orders when you arranged the assassination of Chancellor Gorkon?
Captain James T. Kirk : I didn't know about the assassination until we boarded the ship.
General Chang : You still deny the Enterprise fired on Kronos One?
Captain James T. Kirk : Well...
Klingon Defense Attorney : Your Honors, please!
General Chang : And you still deny your men beamed aboard and shot the chancellor?
Klingon Defense Attorney : Objection!
Captain James T. Kirk : I cannot confirm or deny actions I did not witness.
General Chang : Captain Kirk, are you aware that as the captain of a starship, you are required to be responsible for the actions of your men?
Captain James T. Kirk : I am.
General Chang : And if it should be proved that members of your crew did in fact carry out such an assassination...
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Jim, they're setting us up. Your Honors...
Klingon Defense Attorney : Do not answer!
Klingon Judge : Captain Kirk, you will answer the question.
Captain James T. Kirk : As captain... I am responsible for the conduct of the crew under my command.
General Chang : Your Honors, the State rests.
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Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : For 27 years, I've been ship surgeon aboard the USS Enterprise. In three months, I stand down.
General Chang : Ah. You know... I believe that you consumed a rather generous amount of Romulan ale in the officers' mess on the night in question. Am I right, Doctor?
Klingon Defense Attorney : Objection!
Klingon Judge : Sustained.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : We all did. All of us. That doesn't mean...
General Chang : Was Chancellor Gorkon alive when you first examined him?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Barely.
General Chang : Now, be careful, Doctor. Have you ever, in your past, saved patients as barely alive as he?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : I didn't have the medical knowledge I needed for Klingon anatomy.
General Chang : I see.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : You were there.
General Chang : You say you are due for retirement. May I ask, do your hands shake?
Klingon Defense Attorney : Objection!
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : I was nervous!
General Chang : No. You were incompetent.
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Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : [sarcastically, as the Enterprise is hit by a photon torpedo] This is fun.
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Martia : We're outside the shield. Now it's your turn, Captain.
Captain James T. Kirk : If you say so.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : [watching Jim punch her] Are you crazy?
Captain James T. Kirk : She didn't need our help getting anywhere. And where'd you get these convenient clothes? And don't tell me that flare is standard prison issue. It's to let them know where we are. Ask her what she's getting in return.
Martia : [wiping blood from her mouth] A full pardon, which doesn't cover this.
Captain James T. Kirk : An accident wasn't good enough. Come on, Spock.
Martia : Good enough for one. Two would have looked suspicious.
[shifting into Kirk as she talks]
Martia (appearing as Kirk) : Killed while attempting escape. Now, that's convincing for both.
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Kirk : [coming across an alien that towers over him] Oh, my god.
[the alien says something in its native language]
Kirk : Uh, the, um, universal translator's been confiscated.
[the alien says something again]
Kirk : I'm sorry.
McCoy : [it continues to growl] He's definitely on about something, Jim.
Kirk : [the alien picks him up] If this is your spot, we'll move on.
Martia : He wants your obedience to the Brotherhood of Aliens.
Kirk : He's got it.
Martia : And your coat.
Kirk : I'm afraid not. Besides, it wouldn't fit.
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Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Would you mind explaining that little trick you do?
Martia : I'm a chameloid.
Captain James T. Kirk : I've heard about you. Shapeshifters. I thought you were mythical.
Martia : Give a girl a chance, Captain.
[shifting into her normal appearance]
Martia : It takes a lot of effort.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : I don't doubt it. Stop me if I'm wrong, but do we have any way of knowing whether this is the real you?
Martia : I thought I would assume a pleasing shape.
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Klingon Commander : No witnesses.
Captain James T. Kirk : Killed while trying to escape.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : Damn clever, if you ask me.
Captain James T. Kirk : It's a classic.
Klingon Commander : That's what he wanted.
Captain James T. Kirk : Who? Who wanted us killed?
Klingon Commander : Since you're all going to die anyway, why not tell you? His name is...
[Kirk and Bones are beamed away]
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Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : [learning Martia is a shapeshifter] What kind of creature is this? Last night, you two were...
Captain James T. Kirk : Don't remind me.
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Scotty : Captain! Oh, Mr. Spock! I found the missing uniforms with the Klingon blood on them.
[a door opens, revealing two crewmen dead on the floor]
Scotty : But the uniforms belong to these two men: Burke and Samno.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D. : [inspecting a wound] Not anymore. Phaser on stun at close range.
Captain James T. Kirk : First rule of assassination: kill the assassins.
Scotty : Now we're back to square one.
Captain James T. Kirk : [to Spock] Can I talk to you?
[they walk a few feet away to talk privately]
Scotty : I wonder why they weren't vaporized.
Chekov : It would set off the alarm.