- Parenthesis: For generations we've used the oracular reading of oxen guts to predict our student's careers, or lack thereof.
- Hercules: Eeeyugh. Couldn't you use some sort of aptitude test instead?
- Parenthesis: We tried that. The oxen guts were more accurate by 72%.
- Zeus: Chill out, Hades.
- [Blows out Hades' hair]
- Zeus: Look at that. I should make a wish.
- Hades: Lord of the Underworld: How about a death wish?
- [Pain and Panic have to stop Icarus from kissing Cassandra]
- Pain: He's going to kiss somebody? I have to get out more. I could do okay.
- [the Argonauts are greeted by nymphs who invite them to stay in their island forever]
- Jason of the Argonauts: Well, it's obvious what's happening here. These nymphs are trying to keep us from our quest.
- Bootes: No, that's just a bonus.
- Hades: Lord of the Underworld: Everybody's happy. Well, I'm happy. Everyone else is wracked with pain. Nice.
- Daedalus: Behold, the fundamental machine: the lever. Sublimely simple. Say it with me.
- Hercules: I got it.
- Daedalus: No, say lever! Never mind. Here's a working model. As my close personal friend Archimedes once said, "Give me a lever long enough, a fulcrum high enough, a place to stand, and I'll kiss you on the nose." He was a strange man.
- Hades: [taking Poseidon's trident from Hercules] Who wants trident? I do, I do! Didn't you read the fine print on this? For ages immortal and up.
- Cassandra: I can't believe all the trouble I've caused. It's so much better when you guys cause the trouble, and I get to sarcastically comment.
- Cassandra: I'm not your sassy Cassie! I'm not your Cassie lassie! I'm not your anything and anything that stupidly rhymes with the first thing!
- Gaia: Who dares disturb the slumber of Gaia?
- Adonis: [Points to a worker] That's him! The one with the pickaxe! The soon-to-be-cursed chap wearing the thing.
- Gaia: You arrogant, little mortal! I see through your flimsy lies!
- Adonis: Would sturdier lies help? I could shore them up with some half-truths.
- [Pain and Panic are in King Croesus' dungeon, checking out his torture devices]
- Pain: Look at all this stuff! Croesus has a much bigger budget than Hades.
- Panic: A portable evicerator! I can't wait to try this baby out.
- Pain: Ooh! Ooh! A Flay-Z-Boy recliner!
- Panic: It's so many toys! I can't decide! Oh, this *is* torture!
- [Daedalus is having his possessions loaded into a boat]
- Daedalus: Gently, gently. Those crates contain my life's work.
- Dockworker: [drops a crate] Oops! Oh, well.
- Daedalus: That's not gently! Be careful. That is one of my greatest inventions, the pulley.
- Dockworker: What's a pulley?
- Daedalus: That's a pulley. A system of rotors that give a mechanical advantage in lifting heavy loads with comparative ease.
- Dockworker: Can we use it on these back-breaking crates? It would really help us out.
- Daedalus: No, you'll scratch it.
- [Upon finding out his Roman name]
- Hades: They named me "Pluto"? What kind of a name is "Pluto"? I wouldn't call my dog "Pluto".
- Hades: C'mon, I haven't got all day. What am I talking about? I have eternity; I just don't want to spend it with you two.
- [Jason has found the Golden Fleece and is rubbing in on his hair]
- Jason of the Argonauts: How's my hair? Black as pitch?
- Hercules: Ah, no. Sorry.
- Jason of the Argonauts: Oh well. I hear some fellow Grecians are working on a formula for that, anyway.
- Tiresias: I used to have vast knowledge. Now they pin my room number on me.
- [Hercules and Adonis are trying to impress Circe]
- Adonis: First of all, look at this tan. Have you ever seen such a beautiful sight?
- Hercules: Yes, as a matter of fact, on Mount Olympus. That's my home, you know. Or it will be, once I achieve my fullest potencial.
- Adonis: Yes, and you will live there with all your elf and pixie friends. Right, Hercules? What fun!
- [Whispering to Circe]
- Adonis: He's crazy.
- [Hercules has been tied to a target by Ares and launched into the air. Ares' arrow splits the target in two, leaving Hercules with two 'wings']
- Icarus: Flap, man! Flap!
- Cassandra: Yeah, *that'll* work!
- Hercules: Wow! Is this what it was like to fly, Icarus?
- [Ares shoots the "wings" off him and Hercules flaps his arms desperately in the air for a few seconds before plummeting down]
- Icarus: Yeah... that was pretty much it. Course, I got more sun.
- Daedalus: My class plan for today was to build this, a flying machine made of cypress reeds and sheep bladders. But the school board feels it's too *edgy*; so instead, we shall spit in the eye of divine inspiration and construct... a birdhouse.
- [bites fist]