Small Time Crooks (2000)
Woody Allen: Ray
Photos
Quotes
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Ray : Your cousin May is dumb like a horse, or a dog or something.
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Ray : It's Louie the 14th, or Louie the 15th. I don't know how high the Louie's go, actually.
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Ray : Pretty late.
Frenchy : Yeah, you too. What did you do?
Ray : I, you know, I worked late... and then May and me had some Chinese food.
Frenchy : You and May? What'd you talk about over dinner? Cartoons?
Ray : Are you kiddin'? We went up to her apartment. We watched "White Heat" on television.
Frenchy : Till 3 a.m.?
Ray : No. Then we went out and we got a pizza.
Frenchy : Chinese food and a pizza? With your stomach, I'm surprised you weren't shot breaking into the Pepto-Bismol factory.
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Ray : I get a bad vibe about this guy, David. It's my street instinct, but I just don't trust him.
May Sloane : Yeah, I know why. Because he's younger than you are, handsomer than you are, he's much taller than you are, he's smarter than you are, he's much more exciting than you are...
Ray : May, don't feel obligated to pull any punches with me. I can take it.
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Ray : Ever heard of the Polish carpool? Every day they meet at work.
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[last lines]
Frenchy : Hey, It was you who taught me how to open a safe.
Ray : That was one of my fondest memories of our time together... What are you saying? You boosted this from David's safe? Frenchy, that's stealing.
Frenchy : Not exactly. Look, it's a long story, Ray. Let's sell it, and I'll fill you in on the flight to Miami.
Ray : Sweetheart, you are the greatest.
Frenchy : Yeah.
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Ray : What is this?
Frenchy : It's a Damon Dexter. A discovery of David's.
Ray : Yeah? I say it's depressing.
Frenchy : Knock it off. You wouldn't know a masterpiece if it bit you in the ass.
Ray : I refuse to look at this, Frenchy.
Frenchy : And what's that supposed to mean?
Ray : It means as long as this is there on the wall, I don't look at that wall.
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Ray : What are you, a stroke victim?
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David : I'm talking about Henry James, the author. Yeah? Well, this is where he lived and this is where he worked.
Ray : Where did he eat? I'm hungry. I don't care where he lived. I want to know where he ate.
Frenchy : I remember! "The Hair-ess", right?
David : The "H" is silent.
Frenchy : Oh, did he write that too?
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Ray : You know? Frenchy eats frog's legs.
May Sloane : It's supposed to taste like chicken.
Ray : Rabbit!
May Sloane : Rabbit tastes like frog's legs?
Ray : No, forget it, forget it.
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Ray : I think she's developing a crush on her teacher, David.
May Sloane : Yeah. Well, you know, he's very good-looking, and he's really bright and very charming. And he's very elegant...
Ray : Okay, May, I got the picture. It's all right.
May Sloane : Well, when you're right, you're right.
Ray : Thank you.
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Ray : We make chicken-chip cookies, ahhhh... tuna mint.