Vacation (I) (2015)
Skyler Gisondo: James Griswold
Photos
Quotes
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James Griswold : I've never even heard of the original vacation.
Rusty Griswold : Doesn't matter. The new vacation will stand on its own.
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Debbie Griswold : James, you are not going to fight.
James Griswold : I am not going to stand here like a little bitch.
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Rusty Griswold : Well, I thought it'd be fun for the kids to see where you went to college.
Debbie Griswold : Oh, God. Why would that be fun for them, honey?
Rusty Griswold : You can give us a tour. Maybe one of them could study there one day.
James Griswold : Oh, no. No way, man. I've got my sights on something a little more Ivy League.
Debbie Griswold : [under her breath] Huh. Little fucker.
James Griswold : What, Ma?
Debbie Griswold : I love you. That's what I said.
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Rusty Griswold : Maybe for lunch we can find a burger place. You know, like a... Like a drive-through burger place.
James Griswold : I don't know, Dad. I think we should steer clear of that.
Rusty Griswold : Good one, James.
Debbie Griswold : All right, enough, you guys. Dad hit a cow, okay? Let's just moo-ve on.
Kevin Griswold : Oh, I got one.
Rusty Griswold : Yeah, let's hear it.
Kevin Griswold : James is a piece of shit.
Rusty Griswold : Kinda missed the point there, buddy.
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James Griswold : Mom, do you think Uncle Stone will let me ride his horse?
Debbie Griswold : I don't see why not.
Kevin Griswold : Do think I can shoot his guns?
Debbie Griswold : No, you cannot.
Kevin Griswold : Too bad.
Kevin Griswold : [to James] I would've shot you right off that fuckin' horse.
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Rusty Griswold : That's a 2015 Tartan Prancer.
Debbie Griswold : Did you say "Tartan," honey'!
Rusty Griswold : Yeah. Tartan's the Honda of Albania.
James Griswold : Why'd you get an Albanian car, Dad?
Rusty Griswold : Renting a family car on Memorial Day weekend doesn't leave you with a lot of options. But this baby is pretty sweet. It's got all the latest Albanian technology.
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Adena : So, what do you feel like doing?
James Griswold : Heh. I don't know. Can I give you a rim job?
Adena : [surprised] Whoa... No. What?
James Griswold : I don't know.
Adena : What's wrong with you?
James Griswold : I don't know. I'm sorry. What did you wanna do?
Adena : I don't know. I thought maybe we could... kiss or something?
James Griswold : Well, yeah, that's what I thought...
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Rusty Griswold : It's no big deal. We'll just tell Stone and Audrey what happened. Kids, remember what happened?
James Griswold : We pulled over to rescue a baby from a burning car... and somebody stole all of our stuff while we were distracted.
Rusty Griswold : And why are we naked and covered in feces?
James Griswold : ...I don't remember.
James Griswold : That's right. We don't remember.
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Kevin Griswold : You have such a vagina.
Rusty Griswold : Okay, enough, enough. Now, young man, we talked about the bullying of your older brother. That's right. We don't make fun of someone just because they're different.
James Griswold : I don't have a vagina.
Rusty Griswold : I'm just saying, if you did it wouldn't be okay for Kevin to tease you about your vagina.
James Griswold : Why are you making it sound like I have a vagina?
Rusty Griswold : I know you don't have a vagina. I'm not doing that.
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James Griswold : [surprised] What's Mom doing?
Rusty Griswold : She's, uh, teaching these bitches a lesson.
Kevin Griswold : [in awe] This is the best thing I've ever seen.
James Griswold : Why is she puking so much?
Rusty Griswold : It's for ass burgers.
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Adena : Hey, what happened with that perv who was hitting on you in Arkansas?
James Griswold : That was actually my dad. He was trying to be my wingman.