DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV Series)

Tender Is the Nate (2018)

Tom Wilson: Henry Heywood

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Quotes 

• Henry Heywood : [Sara and Ava are about to have a tryst in Ava's office when Hank Heywood walks in, forcing Sara to hide on the ceiling]  These are expenses generated by the crew of the Waverider, the tip of the Time Bureau spear. Your "Legends".

  [Sara comes down from the ceiling, ninja-style] 

  Henry Heywood : [continuing]  You said they were worth the additional funding. Let me refer you to some of my favorite line items. $135 million for a new time core. What was wrong with the old one?

  Ava Sharpe : Oh, well, um, Rip blew it up when he sacrificed his life to save the world.

  Henry Heywood : Sacrifice is right. $1.7 million for historical costumes.

  Ava Sharpe : Mm-hmm. Well, admittedly, their costumes are... flamboyant.

  Henry Heywood : A line item for, and I quote, -

  [Hank turns around; Sara dives to retrieve her shoe and hides just before he turns back] 

  Henry Heywood : - "Assorted condiments". Assorted.

  Ava Sharpe : No one ever accused the Legends of starving, sir.

  Henry Heywood : If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were in bed with the Legends. Either that, or this Captain Sara Lance is simply screwing you.

  [Sara, now hiding under Ava's desk, caresses Ava's leg, causing her to flinch, but she recovers] 

  Ava Sharpe : [laughing nervously]  Wha? Screwing me? Sara Lance? What are you... Sir, that is, that is crazy.

  Henry Heywood : Which is what the Pentagon is going to call me unless we find a way to justify these numbers.

  Ava Sharpe : Got it, sir.

• Nate Heywood : Hey. It's our first mission together. Don't worry, if anything goes wrong in the field, I got'cha covered.

  Henry Heywood : [amused]  Yeah, but I didn't get coldcocked by a girl.

  Sara Lance : Have you ever been... hit by a girl... Hank?

  Henry Heywood : No, ma'am

  Sara Lance : [gives Hank a meaningful look]  Hmm. We should head out.

  [turns and walks off] 

• Henry Heywood : I increase their budget so they can build magical containment cells to start capturing these creatures. Meanwhile, they're running a nine-figure defiict on a timeship.

  Nate Heywood : Okay, take a deep breath, Hank. If you knew what the Legends did, you'd realize they're-they're worth every single penny. Now, how about tihs? I'll set up a ride-along. You can meet the gang and see where I used to live.

  Henry Heywood : I can see where my money's going.

  Nate Heywood : Sure.

  Henry Heywood : You're right. Why don't we go now?

  Nate Heywood : Now?

  [clearing his throat] 

  Nate Heywood : You know, um, we should probably give 'em a chance, you know, to clean up.

  Henry Heywood : We can't warn them we're coming. That would defeat the purpose.

  Nate Heywood : Okay, um...

  [clearing his throat again] 

  Nate Heywood : I mean, I got to hail the Waverider, and that's gonna take forever.

  Henry Heywood : Nathaniel, as your boss, I demand you take me to the Waverider.

  Nate Heywood : Gonna play the boss card again?

• Henry Heywood : So, why does a ship formerly manned by a single person now need...

  Ray Palmer : [running in]  Need a crew of six? I can explain.

  Nate Heywood : Hey, Ray.

  Ray Palmer : [bro-hugging]  Hi.

  Nate Heywood : Hi. Uh, he means five. You mean five.

  Ray Palmer : I mean five. I mean five. I must have been thinking about Gideon as a real person.

  Gideon : Are you trying to hurt my feelings, Dr. Palmer?

  Nate Heywood : [seeing Gideon's A.I. face appear]  Oh, wow, Gideon. Hubba, hubba. Love the new look.

  Gideon : Ms. Tomaz gave me, in her words, a facelift.

• Henry Heywood : This is a talking computer?

  Gideon : Actually, I'm a quantum-enhanced A.I. program, capable of operating completely autonomously.

  Henry Heywood : So what you're saying is you don't need any people on the ship.

  Nate Heywood : Oh, no, no, no, no, we do. Ray, why don't you show Hank what you do in the...

  Zari Tomaz : [running in, out of breath]  Not the lab. Hello, sir. Um, you should take him to the library. It's very impressive, and there are... books.

  Ray Palmer : And bookshelves.

  Zari Tomaz : Bookshelves.

  Nate Heywood : See, Hank? It takes a village.

• Nate Heywood : Cafe du Dome, 1927, home to the Lost Generation. Writers, artists, ex-pats, they all...

  Henry Heywood : All right, so where's this monster?

  Nate Heywood : Yeah, who needs historical context and and wonderment?

• Nate Heywood : Okay, Dali saw the monster firsthand when it attacked him in the Catacombs, and he drew me this.

  [handing Sara a napkin, then rotating it] 

  Nate Heywood : Um, wait.

  Henry Heywood : What the hell am I looking at?

  Nate Heywood : [rotating it again]  No, no, no, here.

  Sara Lance : Yeah, I still don't see it.

  Nate Heywood : All right, ignore the melting clocks. We got to get this back to the ship, and I have to find a match to Dali's drawing somewhere in the library.

  Henry Heywood : We're supposed to protect history from the library, Nathaniel?

  Nate Heywood : Okay, I see that you're really into drinking the Hemingway Kool-Aid, and by Kool-Aid, I mean Scotch, but we are here to catch a monster.

  Henry Heywood : Of course, but I know we sure as hell aren't gonna find out what it is by studying some finger paintings.

• Nate Heywood : Dad, you heal up. We've got this.

  Henry Heywood : No, like hell. I owe it to him to finish this...

  [trailing off] 

  Henry Heywood : ...fight.

  Gideon : Sedative administered.

• Sara Lance : Back on your feet already, Hank.

  Henry Heywood : Yeah, your gal patched me up good. I'm just running through our strategy.

  John Constantine : Oh, wait, are you letting him use our D&D minatures?

  Zari Tomaz : No, I didn't let him touch Cyndra, Lord of the Darhk Elves.

  Nate Heywood : You guys D&D without me, too?

• Henry Heywood : Son, why are you holding a tiny guitar, or do I even want to know?

  Nate Heywood : Oh, this... this is a lute.

  Mick Rory : [jerking out of his sleep]  Someone say loot?

  Nate Heywood : This is what we're gonna use to put the minotaur to sleep.

  Mick Rory : I thought you said that was loot.

  Henry Heywood : I don't understand.

  John Constantine : Well, I suppose it is more of a lyre.

  Mick Rory : [going back to sleep]  Everyone's a liar.

• Henry Heywood : So explain to me how this... "magic-ometer" of yours works.

  Ray Palmer : Oh. Well...

  Mick Rory : [straight and to the point]  Thingy goes beep, and we kick ass.

  Zari Tomaz : Meaning we investigate each time period.

  John Constantine : Yeah, we find the creature.

  Sara Lance : We bring it to the Bureau.

  Ray Palmer : And hopefully learn some life lessons along the way.

  Henry Heywood : And it takes six of you to do that?

  Ray Palmer : Seven, if you count Amaya.

  Gideon : Eight if you count me.

  Henry Heywood : Sounds a little... inefficient.