- Ava Sharpe: Who doesn't want to see a Ray Palmer love letter? You have to open it; there's probably glitter in it.
- Henry Heywood: [Sara and Ava are about to have a tryst in Ava's office when Hank Heywood walks in, forcing Sara to hide on the ceiling] These are expenses generated by the crew of the Waverider, the tip of the Time Bureau spear. Your "Legends".
- [Sara comes down from the ceiling, ninja-style]
- Henry Heywood: [continuing] You said they were worth the additional funding. Let me refer you to some of my favorite line items. $135 million for a new time core. What was wrong with the old one?
- Ava Sharpe: Oh, well, um, Rip blew it up when he sacrificed his life to save the world.
- Henry Heywood: Sacrifice is right. $1.7 million for historical costumes.
- Ava Sharpe: Mm-hmm. Well, admittedly, their costumes are... flamboyant.
- Henry Heywood: A line item for, and I quote, -
- [Hank turns around; Sara dives to retrieve her shoe and hides just before he turns back]
- Henry Heywood: - "Assorted condiments". Assorted.
- Ava Sharpe: No one ever accused the Legends of starving, sir.
- Henry Heywood: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were in bed with the Legends. Either that, or this Captain Sara Lance is simply screwing you.
- [Sara, now hiding under Ava's desk, caresses Ava's leg, causing her to flinch, but she recovers]
- Ava Sharpe: [laughing nervously] Wha? Screwing me? Sara Lance? What are you... Sir, that is, that is crazy.
- Henry Heywood: Which is what the Pentagon is going to call me unless we find a way to justify these numbers.
- Ava Sharpe: Got it, sir.
- Ray Palmer: You know, it's still weird not having you around.
- Nate Heywood: I'll always be right there, Big Guy, in that giant heart of yours. And I'll be at the Bureau, so you guys can literally stop by whenever you want. But, you know, before I go, I do want to say one thing. When I first stepped on to this ship, I was, you know, trying to get away from all my baggage back home, and I can't believe I'm gonna say this... Hemingway once wrote "Can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another." And thanks to you guys, I don't have to run anymore. Being here with you all has turned me into the man I need to be, and, uh... this place is special. And you never know when it's gonna be over. So, I say, Legends:
- [raises his beer bottle]
- Nate Heywood: Enjoy the ride while it lasts.
- Sara Lance: Hear, hear.
- [Everyone clinks beer bottles]
- Nate Heywood: Hey. It's our first mission together. Don't worry, if anything goes wrong in the field, I got'cha covered.
- Henry Heywood: [amused] Yeah, but I didn't get coldcocked by a girl.
- Sara Lance: Have you ever been... hit by a girl... Hank?
- Henry Heywood: No, ma'am
- Sara Lance: [gives Hank a meaningful look] Hmm. We should head out.
- [turns and walks off]
- Nate Heywood: [referring to his father] And you thought a minotaur was bull-headed?
- Sara Lance: Ooo, mythology burrrn !
- [she and Nate do a finger wiggle bump]
- Sara Lance: It's good to have you back.
- Mona Wu: Hey, Ava, hope I'm not too early.
- Ava Sharpe: It's Director Sharpe. And you're not early, Mona. You're late.
- Mona Wu: Oh, no, are you firing me? Why does this always happen?
- Henry Heywood: I increase their budget so they can build magical containment cells to start capturing these creatures. Meanwhile, they're running a nine-figure defiict on a timeship.
- Nate Heywood: Okay, take a deep breath, Hank. If you knew what the Legends did, you'd realize they're-they're worth every single penny. Now, how about tihs? I'll set up a ride-along. You can meet the gang and see where I used to live.
- Henry Heywood: I can see where my money's going.
- Nate Heywood: Sure.
- Henry Heywood: You're right. Why don't we go now?
- Nate Heywood: Now?
- [clearing his throat]
- Nate Heywood: You know, um, we should probably give 'em a chance, you know, to clean up.
- Henry Heywood: We can't warn them we're coming. That would defeat the purpose.
- Nate Heywood: Okay, um...
- [clearing his throat again]
- Nate Heywood: I mean, I got to hail the Waverider, and that's gonna take forever.
- Henry Heywood: Nathaniel, as your boss, I demand you take me to the Waverider.
- Nate Heywood: Gonna play the boss card again?
- Sara Lance: Red alert, Nate is on the ship, and he brought his dad for what's got to be a surprise inspection.
- Zari Tomaz: We are so not ready for guests.
- Henry Heywood: So, why does a ship formerly manned by a single person now need...
- Ray Palmer: [running in] Need a crew of six? I can explain.
- Nate Heywood: Hey, Ray.
- Ray Palmer: [bro-hugging] Hi.
- Nate Heywood: Hi. Uh, he means five. You mean five.
- Ray Palmer: I mean five. I mean five. I must have been thinking about Gideon as a real person.
- Gideon: Are you trying to hurt my feelings, Dr. Palmer?
- Nate Heywood: [seeing Gideon's A.I. face appear] Oh, wow, Gideon. Hubba, hubba. Love the new look.
- Gideon: Ms. Tomaz gave me, in her words, a facelift.
- Mona Wu: I know that getting your boss locked in a prison isn't the best way to start a job, so if it comes to it, I'd like you to eat me first.
- Ava Sharpe: No one's eating anyone, Mona, but when we get out of here, we do have to talk about your continued employment at the Bureau.
- Mona Wu: Wait, no, no, no, you can't fire me.
- Ava Sharpe: Give me one good reason why.
- Mona Wu: Okay. Okay. I was gonna save this for upstairs, but...
- [retrieving the birthday cake Sara brought]
- Mona Wu: ...surprise!
- [singing]
- Ava Sharpe: Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to...
- [seeing Ava's look, she trails off]
- Mona Wu: This isn't making things better, is it?
- Nora Darhk: No, it's fantastic. Keep going.
- Henry Heywood: This is a talking computer?
- Gideon: Actually, I'm a quantum-enhanced A.I. program, capable of operating completely autonomously.
- Henry Heywood: So what you're saying is you don't need any people on the ship.
- Nate Heywood: Oh, no, no, no, no, we do. Ray, why don't you show Hank what you do in the...
- Zari Tomaz: [running in, out of breath] Not the lab. Hello, sir. Um, you should take him to the library. It's very impressive, and there are... books.
- Ray Palmer: And bookshelves.
- Zari Tomaz: Bookshelves.
- Nate Heywood: See, Hank? It takes a village.
- Sara Lance: Meet the newest member of our team, Charlie.
- Ray Palmer: Charlie here is a shapeshifter. Except she can no longer shape-shift. It's actually a pretty crazy story.
- Nate Heywood: Let me guess, she turned into Amaya and conned you into not sending her to hell and Constantine put a spell on her and now she's stuck like this?
- Sara Lance: That is... weirdly accurate, yeah.
- Nate Heywood: Yeah.
- Ray Palmer: I guess it's not such a crazy story.
- Nate Heywood: It's insane, Ray! I told my dad you guys were good at your jobs, and you're adopting some magical creature who's pretending to be Amaya?
- Charlie: Hey, I'm not pretending to be anyone.
- Sara Lance: Hank's already looking for ways to slash our funding, so maybe it's not the worst idea to fake it for one mission.
- Charlie: You want me to pretend to be this wanker's ex?
- Nate Heywood: [insulted] What?
- Ray Palmer: Sounds like classic Legends hijinks to me.
- Sara Lance: We can't let Hank know that we're harboring a fugitive. We just need to show him one mission, send him on his way before anything can go wrong.
- Nate Heywood: Okay, then maybe it wasn't the best idea to leave him with those three.
- Sara Lance: We should go.
- Nate Heywood: Cafe du Dome, 1927, home to the Lost Generation. Writers, artists, ex-pats, they all...
- Henry Heywood: All right, so where's this monster?
- Nate Heywood: Yeah, who needs historical context and and wonderment?
- Nate Heywood: Okay, Dali saw the monster firsthand when it attacked him in the Catacombs, and he drew me this.
- [handing Sara a napkin, then rotating it]
- Nate Heywood: Um, wait.
- Henry Heywood: What the hell am I looking at?
- Nate Heywood: [rotating it again] No, no, no, here.
- Sara Lance: Yeah, I still don't see it.
- Nate Heywood: All right, ignore the melting clocks. We got to get this back to the ship, and I have to find a match to Dali's drawing somewhere in the library.
- Henry Heywood: We're supposed to protect history from the library, Nathaniel?
- Nate Heywood: Okay, I see that you're really into drinking the Hemingway Kool-Aid, and by Kool-Aid, I mean Scotch, but we are here to catch a monster.
- Henry Heywood: Of course, but I know we sure as hell aren't gonna find out what it is by studying some finger paintings.
- Nate Heywood: We gotta go back to the ship to figure out what we're doing. That's the way we do things, right?
- Sara Lance: Yes, when the mission isn't also showing Hank a good time. I'm sorry.
- Nate Heywood: You know, I thought this would be good for the both of us, but... Hank is at his happiest when he's telling me what I'm doing wrong, so...
- [clicking his tongue]
- Nate Heywood: Mission accomplished.
- Nate Heywood: Dad, you heal up. We've got this.
- Henry Heywood: No, like hell. I owe it to him to finish this...
- [trailing off]
- Henry Heywood: ...fight.
- Gideon: Sedative administered.
- Nate Heywood: Ugh, what is that smell? Did you guys get a team dog without me? Because that was my idea. Bet you guys are having post-mission pizza parties now, too.
- Ava Sharpe: And that's when I found out I was from the future.
- Mona Wu: Whoa, the future.
- Ava Sharpe: Yep. It was all fake: my parents, my memories, growing up in Fresno.
- Nora Darhk: Still better than spending your childhood with the Order of the Shrouded Compass.
- Mona Wu: Is that like the Sisterhood of Traveling Pants?
- Nora Darhk: Even worse. Death cult. And before that, I just moved around from one mental institution to the next.
- Sara Lance: Back on your feet already, Hank.
- Henry Heywood: Yeah, your gal patched me up good. I'm just running through our strategy.
- John Constantine: Oh, wait, are you letting him use our D&D minatures?
- Zari Tomaz: No, I didn't let him touch Cyndra, Lord of the Darhk Elves.
- Nate Heywood: You guys D&D without me, too?
- Henry Heywood: Son, why are you holding a tiny guitar, or do I even want to know?
- Nate Heywood: Oh, this... this is a lute.
- Mick Rory: [jerking out of his sleep] Someone say loot?
- Nate Heywood: This is what we're gonna use to put the minotaur to sleep.
- Mick Rory: I thought you said that was loot.
- Henry Heywood: I don't understand.
- John Constantine: Well, I suppose it is more of a lyre.
- Mick Rory: [going back to sleep] Everyone's a liar.
- Nate Heywood: This was fun. It's good to be back.
- Sara Lance: Well, the door is always open.
- Nate Heywood: You know, coming back here, I thought it'd be like the old days, but I don't know what's more surprising, the fact that so much has changed or at some point, this became the old days.
- Sara Lance: You'd think we of all people would understand that time makes no sense.
- Nate Heywood: Yeah.
- Sara Lance: But I guess it's something you never accept.
- Nate Heywood: You know I love you guys, right? But, uh... I belong over there.
- Sara Lance: I get it. I'm proud of you. So go on. Go do your adult thing, and we'll see you around.
- Sara Lance: [seeing Hank playing the guitar to put the minotaur to sleep] What is happening?
- Nate Heywood: James Taylor, and it's good.
- Mick Rory: Welcome back, Ugly.
- John Constantine: Yes, what other bright ideas are you gonna leave us with before you bugger off?
- Nate Heywood: Softball team.
- Zari Tomaz: Oh, no, only electronic sports.
- Nate Heywood: Piñata Fridays.
- Sara Lance: How many times do I have to say no to that?
- Nate Heywood: Unionizing.
- Sara Lance: Ooh, don't let Hank hear you say that.
- Mona Wu: I finally find a job where I can use my skills...
- Ava Sharpe: Debatable.
- Mona Wu: And I blow it in the first week. Guess I'm stuck doing my fallback plan, going back to law school. At least Yale wants me.
- Ava Sharpe: Wait, wait, that's the fallback plan? Law school? What are you even doing here?
- Mona Wu: This is my dream job. It's my mom who wants me to be a lawyer.
- Nora Darhk: No, you can't give in to what your parents want. That's what I did, and look how that ended.
- Ava Sharpe: Okay, you're not gonna take life advice from Nora Darhk, right? That's rich. You should listen to your parents. Think about your future.
- Nora Darhk: Oh, easy for you to say. At least you had a future. When I was a kid, my dad convinced me to be a demon vessel.
- Ava Sharpe: You think it was easy for me? At least you got to be a kid. Try being a clone from 2213, okay? The only taste of childhood I've ever had was almost being killed by a shtriga at summer camp.
- Mona Wu: Wow, okay, I need to hear your entire life stories right now.
- Ava Sharpe, Nora Darhk: No!
- Henry Heywood: So explain to me how this... "magic-ometer" of yours works.
- Ray Palmer: Oh. Well...
- Mick Rory: [straight and to the point] Thingy goes beep, and we kick ass.
- Zari Tomaz: Meaning we investigate each time period.
- John Constantine: Yeah, we find the creature.
- Sara Lance: We bring it to the Bureau.
- Ray Palmer: And hopefully learn some life lessons along the way.
- Henry Heywood: And it takes six of you to do that?
- Ray Palmer: Seven, if you count Amaya.
- Gideon: Eight if you count me.
- Henry Heywood: Sounds a little... inefficient.
- Ernest Hemingway: The bull is not the enemy of the bullfighter. He is his partner. They are dancers locked in a dance of death. Whichever dies, man or bull, the dance is a thing of beauty.
- Sara Lance: We have to go now!
- Ernest Hemingway: I'll never surrender.
- [Attacks Minotaur but Minotaur attacks back]
- Ernest Hemingway: But I will strategically retreat.
- Sara Lance: [Hits Ernest Hemingway, he falls flat on his back] That's for being on my summer eighth grade reading list.