- Zari Tomaz: That brooding anti-hero crap must be a real panty dropper, huh? You tell her you have four roommates who sleep on the couch?
- John Constantine: No, I didn't. She's my mum.
- Zari Tomaz: ...I'm *really* wishing I had not said "panty dropper."
- John Constantine: Yeah.
- Sara Lance: Not your finest work, bud.
- Mick Rory: He's gonna get us killed.
- Sara Lance: You just don't like guys with ties.
- Mick Rory: That's right. It's like a little flag hanging from someone's neck saying "I'm a liar."
- Ray Palmer: I feel like you're the only one I can talk to about this whole Nora thing.
- Zari Tomaz: Secret's safe with me. Doing bad things for good reasons is practically our mission statement.
- John Constantine: That Irishman there is a leprechaun.
- Zari Tomaz: So sorry - are you being serious or racist?
- John Constantine: Both, Love.
- John Constantine: The Hole: cradle of punk rock and the stickiest floor in the British Isles.
- Ray Palmer: Sounds lovely. You kids have fun. I'll have a bottle of hand sanitizer when you come back.
- Sara Lance: Wow. Red beans and rice didn't miss Her Majesty.
- Nate Heywood: Now I understand how Mr. Mix-a-Lot got his knighthood.
- Ava Sharpe: What kind of ripple effect are we really looking at here, Nate?
- Nate Heywood: Okay. Right now, the queen gets institutionalized, the British monarchy fails, and England descends into chaos.
- Sara Lance: Anarchy in the UK.
- Nate Heywood: Which is weird, but... paranormal?
- Ava Sharpe: Well, something freaky is definitely at the heart of this. Our magic-tracking device detected a massive spike.
- Sara Lance: All right, then we got a live one. Punk rock London. Nate, you ready?
- Nate Heywood: Um, well, Ava asked me to stick around and help launch the magic operations here.
- Ava Sharpe: Yeah, we need to establish procedure, protocols, command structure.
- Sara Lance: So... desk job. Nate Heywood, cubicle guy. Sad little plant on his desk. Really?
- Ava Sharpe: It's prestigious, Sara.
- Nate Heywood: And then when everything's up and running, I come back to the Waverider.
- Sara Lance: Fine. Cool kids are off to the Jolly Old.
- Sara Lance: Nate will be back soon. In the meantime, we need to go back before the monarchy goes anarchy.
- John Constantine: Never thought I'd get to meet the Queen.
- Sara Lance: Not gonna happen. Too risky. And besides, she's not the one setting off Ray's magic-o-meter. The Queen's favorite new band is... the Smell.
- John Constantine: The Smell? Never heard of 'em, and I know of every rubbish punk band there is in London.
- Mick Rory: Why is the weasel running the show?
- John Constantine: If you've got a problem with me, pie-head, why don't you just say?
- Mick Rory: I got a problem with you.
- Sara Lance: We need to get close to that band, which shouldn't be a problem, 'cause everybody left on this ship is a punk.
- Mick Rory: Except for Haircut. He hasn't broken a rule in his life.
- Zari Tomaz: Yep. Not a single rule.
- Sara Lance: All right, guys, here's our chance. Somebody's gotta slip backstage and get in with the band.
- John Constantine: Yeah, leave it to me. I used to play here with Mucus Membrane. I know my way around. And besides, you're all bloody Yanks.
- Mick Rory: [pulling him back] Not you.
- Sara Lance: Why not?
- Mick Rory: I don't like him.
- John Constantine: Always perfidious Albion, is it? Never trust a Brit.
- Mick Rory: Something like that.
- John Constantine: Listen, mate, there's an old trick for unmasking leprechauns. You spill a bunch of grain in front of them on the floor, and they're compelled to count every kernel.
- Ray Palmer: Really? That sounds bizarre. That's not true. Is that true?
- Mick Rory: That's a stupid plan.
- John Constantine: Have you got a better one, big man?
- Mick Rory: I don't do magic tricks.
- John Constantine: Oh, great, so the plan is no plan.
- Gary Green: Look, I know you're used to zooming around in a time machine with all your best friends, shooting from the hip and saving history.
- Nate Heywood: Always.
- Gary Green: But, you know, the Bureau is not all protocols.
- Nate Heywood: I'm listening.
- Gary Green: Come with.
- [leading him out]
- Gary Green: Buckle up, Nate, it's Taco Monday.
- Nate Heywood: Instead of Taco Tuesday?
- Gary Green: Oh, we dare to defy.
- Nate Heywood: So that's the big highlight? Eating tacos one day before the rest of America?
- Gary Green: Yeah.
- John Constantine: My dad used to call me "Killer." Never let me forget what I did.
- Zari Tomaz: Hmm. Father of the year.
- John Constantine: Hmm. Wouldn't guess that to look at him, would you?
- Zari Tomaz: [glancing at his father flirting with his mother] You didn't just happen to run into your parents, did you?
- John Constantine: I've ruined a lot of lives, and that bastard is just the first one to call me out on it.
- Zari Tomaz: Listen, if you want to wallow in self pity, the Waverider has got a lot of rooms for that. I'm partial to the kitchen myself.
- John Constantine: Oh, I'm not here to wallow, love. I'm here to fix it. I'm gonna give him the old Manchester mangler.
- Zari Tomaz: What?
- John Constantine: Back-alley vasectomy.
- John Constantine: Oh, what happened?
- Zari Tomaz: Ball-kick paradox. You can't kick your own dad in the junk because you'd erase yourself from the timeline, which means there would be no one to kick your dad in the junk.
- Ray Palmer: So, I have an idea. What if I just ask her to stop impersonating the Queen? History goes back to the way it was, and we don't have to send her to hell.
- Sara Lance: Ray, so far we've learned that unicorns are homicidal maniacs and fairy godmothers are psychopaths. And they're supposed to be the nice ones.
- John Constantine: And these shapeshifting bastards, they put the rest to shame. We're talking killing sprees, world wars, you name it.
- Ray Palmer: Yeah, but she's not doing any of that.
- John Constantine: She's manipulating you. Don't fall for it, mate.
- Mick Rory: Too late. He's got a tattoo.
- Zari Tomaz: Oh, please let it be a tramp stamp.
- Ava Sharpe: How do you keep five Legends on a leash at once?
- Sara Lance: Very loosely, because sometimes we pull you in the right direction.
- John Constantine: You know? It is 1977 in London Town. I'm gonna enjoy the sights. Good luck with your magic problem.
- Ray Palmer: Did you guys just make Constantine leave?
- Sara Lance: We'll get back to you, Ray.
- Gary Green: You okay?
- Nate Heywood: Um, I'm good. I'm good. It's just... I know you guys do things differently here; I just didn't know it was so, uh, protocol-centric.
- Gary Green: Oh, hey. There's a blip on the magic-o-meter. It's from the Pleistocene period. Clear your schedule. We've got a report to write.
- Nate Heywood: Or-or-or... or we can handle this ourselves.
- Gary Green: Without approval? That sounds dangerous. You've got two, but I'm sort of down to my last nipple.
- Nate Heywood: Gary, Ava hired me to optimize this department, okay? And I can't do that waiting three days for approval.
- [lowering his voice]
- Nate Heywood: And we can be time bros.
- Gary Green: What?
- Nate Heywood: [louder] We can be time bros.
- Sara Lance: Ray, we can hear you gulping through the comms.
- Ray Palmer: Do we really have to do this? I mean, we know that Declan is not a leprechaun.
- Sara Lance: Well, your machine says one of them is magical, so our job is to find 'em and get it gone. You're gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way.
- Ray Palmer: Corgi-knapping?
- Mick Rory: Gaining their trust and betraying them.
- Mick Rory: What the hell is that on your arm?
- Ray Palmer: It's my tattoo. It's a corgi with a mowhawk.
- Mick Rory: You've lost it, Haircut. You finally lost it.
- Zari Tomaz: Were you and your mom close?
- John Constantine: Just met her twenty minutes ago. Died in childbirth.
- Zari Tomaz: [awkwardly] Two for two.
- Ray Palmer: Hello, punk friends. Anyone seen Charlie?
- Declan: [they push him up against the wall] We know what you've been up to.
- Ray Palmer: You do? Of course you do, I'm a terrible liar.
- Ray Palmer: Sara, I figured it out.
- Sara Lance: All right, Ray, what are we dealing with?
- Ray Palmer: She's a shapeshifter. She doesn't kidnap the Queen. She becomes the Queen.
- John Constantine: [entering with Zari] I knew it.
- Zari Tomaz: You definitely said leprechaun.
- Sara Lance: [learning Ray let Nora escape] Look, you better not be wrong about her. But right now, we need to deal with our current captive. She cannot stay on the ship.
- Zari Tomaz: Yeah, especially now with Amaya's face. It's freakin' creepy.
- Mick Rory: You broke her, you fix her, weasel. Make her not Amaya again.
- John Constantine: Spell doesn't work like that, Womble. I took away her power to transform. It's like clipping an angel's wings. You can't exactly unclip them.
- Nate Heywood: Whoo! That was one surpisingly strong little plant.
- Gary Green: Surprisingly full of goo.
- Sara Lance: [approaching] I like what you've done with the place. Sort of a "little office of horrors" theme.
- Ray Palmer: Uh... We... we're not gonna hurt the dog, are we?
- Zari Tomaz: No. We're gonna hurt the Queen.