DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV Series)

Witch Hunt (2018)

Matt Ryan: John Constantine

Photos 

Quotes 

• Zari Tomaz : I thought that's why we had Constantine.

  Sara Lance : Yeah... about that. Constantine is...

  John Constantine : [entering the bridge dragging a steamer trunk]  - tired, hung over, and in need of a stiff one. Dealer's choice as to what that's a euphemism for.

• Fairy Godmother : All I want is to make the world a happier place.

  John Constantine : Well, you got Prudence's mother thrown in the bloody clink. And what about that bloke who had his eyes pecked out of his skull, eh?

  Fairy Godmother : [hard]  That man was a liar. They are all liars. And simple-minded pests like that must be taught a lesson.

  John Constantine : [sarcastically]  Ooo, "pests". Intriguing choice of words...

  Fairy Godmother : Before Prudence, all the girls I helped were just take, take, take. "I want a new dress, godmother." "I want to go to the ball, godmother." So I gave and I gave, no matter how absurd the request. I mean, who would ever choose to wear glass slippers? Imagine the blisters! And what did I get in return? A thousand years locked away in a dank and miserable dimension.

  John Constantine : So it was humans who put you away, eh? Well, it serves you right, you bitter old nag. You don't want Prudence happy. You want her raging. That's how you settle the score, by using a child's anger to rain down hellfire on those poor bastards out there

• Ray Palmer : New Legend alert. I better go update the chore wheel.

  John Constantine : Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on, sunshine. I'm not a bloody Legend. I'm merely offering my services as a consultant, and as such, I have some stipulations. I don't do silly costumes, I expect full benefits, and I require no less than two weeks paid vacation.

  Zari Tomaz : Vacation?

  Mick Rory : Paid?

• Zari Tomaz : Salem, Massachusetts, 1692.

  John Constantine : First day on the job and you're taking me to the bloody witch trials.

• John Constantine : I'm telling you, your machine is clearly buggered. There's nothing magical about Puritan New England.

  Sara Lance : I know. I was there, but it could all be different now.

  John Constantine : Oh, come on. If a creature landed there, why would it idle in the absolute worst possible place for magic? The people of Salem are paranoid and petty, and besides, every magical creature knows that if you want to get weird, you go to New York.

• John Constantine : I agreed to help you save history, not take part in your little role-playing adventures. Call me if you find anything.

  Mick Rory : If he's staying, I'm staying. Besides, no fun in Puritan times. The church banned burning people at the stake.

  Sara Lance : Well, they didn't actually burn people. That was the Middle Ages. The Puritans used the gallows, but, yeah, sure, stay.

  Zari Tomaz : You know, I actually miss having someone Nate-splain history to us.

• Sara Lance : [interrupting Mick and Constantine]  Sorry to break up the bonding session, but we found our fugitive, and we think it's a real witch.

  John Constantine : Well, a real witch must be off her trolley to hang around here.

  Ray Palmer : Well, we just saw a woman command a murder of crows, and now I know why they call it that.

• John Constantine : Agent of the damned, show yourself, you fetid creature. Show yourself, you cursed beast. Reveal your hideous form!

  Fairy Godmother : [appearing]  Hello!

  Sara Lance : What in the Disney hell is this?

• Fairy Godmother : Where on Earth are you taking me?

  John Constantine : Oh, not on Earth, love. Where I'm sending you is a touch hotter, or so I hear.

  Fairy Godmother : You intend to send me to hell.

  John Constantine : I could be persuaded otherwise.

  Fairy Godmother : I'm listening.

  John Constantine : You need a host to conduct your magic, and let's just say I'm in need of a miracle.

  Fairy Godmother : You want to be my new host?

  John Constantine : Tit for tat, deary.

  Fairy Godmother : [snickering]  John Constantine.

  [seeing his surprise] 

  Fairy Godmother : Yes, my pet, I know exactly who you are. I know you're on the run, and I know who's coming for you, and believe me, I'd rather face hell than piss him off.

  John Constantine : Well, I am happy to oblige.