DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV Series)

Wet Hot American Bummer (2018)

Caity Lotz: Sara Lance

Photos 

Quotes 

• John Constantine : So, any idea of what kind of foul beast we're up against, then?

  Ava Sharpe : Well, based on

  [knowing look to Sara] 

  Ava Sharpe : research Sara and I have been doing, we could be looking for a swampy monster thing.

  Sara Lance : According to the timeline, before the end of summer, several kids went missing, never to be seen again.

  John Constantine : Well, I happen to know a swamp thing. But then again, Maine is way too far north for that muppet.

• Sara Lance : [pausing a movie]  Wait a second.

  Ava Sharpe : Don't tell me that the fearless Ms. Lance is scared of a little horror film.

  Sara Lance : No, I love horror movies, and I watched them obsessively as a kid, so how could I have missed this gem?

  [pulling up the movie's info] 

  Sara Lance : "Swamp Thaaaang." Never heard of it. And what's with all the As?

  Ava Sharpe : Okay, let me look.

  [checking her phone] 

  Ava Sharpe : Okay, "Swamp Thaaaang." Apparently there are four As in the name because it's the fourth film in the franchise. The A.V. Club gave it a D+, saying "The production design is as lazy as the action staging."

  Sara Lance : Harsh.

• Ava Sharpe : I talked to Nate, and he's got things covered at the Bureau. He and Gary have their hands full with all the magical creatures popping up.

  Sara Lance : [snickering]  Nate and Gary are in charge. Well, anyways, I'm glad that he's there, because we've got something I really don't want him to see.

  Ava Sharpe : What's that?

  [Sara leads her into the makeshift cell where Charlie is being kept] 

  Ava Sharpe : Amaya.

  Zari Tomaz : It just looks like her.

  Ava Sharpe : Did you say "it"?

  Sara Lance : She's a shapeshifter. We found her in London, 1977.

• Sara Lance : We are headed back to the '90s to infiltrate a place called Camp Ogawa.

  John Constantine : Oh, sneaking into a military facility, are we?

  Sara Lance : Actually, it's a summer camp for kids.

  Ray Palmer : Oh, I loved summer camp. Everyone used to call me Kid Counselor.

  John Constantine : Bet you took that as a compliment, too, didn't you, mate?

• John Constantine : They may take my coat, but you will never take my...

  Sara Lance : [taking the cigarette out of his mouth]  Nope. And lose the tie.

  John Constantine : Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

  [seeing her look] 

  John Constantine : Fine. One time, but it's only for the kids.

• Sara Lance : Oh, god, not a '90s "not" joke.

  Ray Palmer : It's like comic comfort food.

• Ray Palmer : Beautiful morning.

  John Constantine : Yeah, sorry to burst your summer-loving bubble, mate, but we're missing one of our young charges. His name is Zack or something.

  Ray Palmer : [sniffing]  Well, are you sure you counted right? Because based on your whiskey cologne, I think you're still drunk.

  Sara Lance : [joining them]  No, he's right.

  Ava Sharpe : Yeah, a girl is missing from our cabin, too, even after I put the fear of God in them.

• Sara Lance : What is with the police lineup? This is summer camp, not boot camp, remember?

  Ava Sharpe : You are too soft on these kids. Children crave authority. Besides, my way will be quicker.

• John Constantine : So, how many girls has the missus made cry so far, or have you lost count?

  Sara Lance : Ava's interrogation techniques aren't going to work on them. They'd rather take their secrets to the grave than squeal. Anything with the boys?

  John Constantine : Oh, those boys aren't hiding a thing. They're open books, if those books were written by hapless fools, that is.

• Sara Lance : The only way we are going to get any information from these girls is to infiltrate their clique.

  Ava Sharpe : How are we supposed to do that? We're not kids.

  Sara Lance : Funny you should say that. Constantine gave me a potion that would turn us into kids, only temporarily.

  Ava Sharpe : You're kidding, right?

  [seeing her look] 

  Ava Sharpe : Wha... even if it works, Sara, I wouldn't have any idea how to act like a kid, because I've never been one. All my childhood memories are fake, remember?

• Sara Lance : Friendship bracelet?

  Ava Sharpe : No, it's an "I'm sorry" bracelet. I shouldn't have run off like that. It's just that you know I'm not normal, and I think you hit a nerve or something.

  Sara Lance : No, I'm sorry. I never even thought about the fact that you'd never been a kid.

  Ava Sharpe : Yeah.

  Sara Lance : But this is really good.

  Ava Sharpe : Ugh. I confiscated it from Alexis. See, I'm weird. I... do you know that those two actors who are my parents, I-I keep a picture of them on my desk in my office just so I can try to feel a little bit normal.

  Sara Lance : Yeah, that is anything but normal.

• Sara Lance : [taking Constantine's potion]  Do you feel anything yet?

  Ava Sharpe : Mm... no. Maybe it doesn't work.

  Sara Lance : [seeing the magic start to work]  The pretty lights tell me otherwise.

• Sara Lance : Couldn't help but notice our magical friend is not where she's supposed to be.

  Zari Tomaz : Oh, she's not? Rory, do you know anything about that?

  Mick Rory : You don't pay me enough to be a stinkin' prison guard.

  Sara Lance : I don't pay you anything.

• Mick Rory : I let the fake Amaya go.

  Ava Sharpe : Why would you do that?

  Zari Tomaz : Oh, in order to...

  [seeing Charlie enter] 

  Zari Tomaz : ...have an extreme makeover.

  Sara Lance : Thanks for the shtriga tip.

  Charlie : Well, if you had your hands full with a shtriga, I figured you'd need my help with whatever you plebs face next.

  Ava Sharpe : Sounds like a mutually beneficial partnership.

  Charlie : One condition, though. I never set foot in that cage ever again. Got it?

• Gideon : Mr. Constantine's body is rejecting my treatments. His odds of survival are bleak.

  Ray Palmer : John, what you did out there was pretty selfless. I told you you were good.

  [taking the cigarette out of his mouth] 

  Ray Palmer : That's not good for you.

  Sara Lance : Get some rest, John. Gideon, give him the good stuff.

  John Constantine : [as he's drugged up]  Oh, Gideon. That's nice, love. We should party...

• Ray Palmer : He's getting worse. The magic he used to save that camper was pretty powerful.

  Sara Lance : Well, if magic has him on death's door, then maybe magic can save him.

  Ray Palmer : I think I know someone who can help. But I have no idea how to find her.

• Chad Stephens : I'm sorry. Couldn't help but admire your lanyard. Did you make that yourself?

  Ray Palmer : Oh. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, along with twenty-one required merit badges. I also went on to get certification in nuclear science and dentistry.

  Chad Stephens : Oh, snap! I've got some serious competition for "Coolest counselor" this summer, huh?

  [to Sara] 

  Chad Stephens : What about you? Any special skills?

  Sara Lance : [clearly not taken with Chad]  Martial arts.

  Chad Stephens : [makes a lame martial arts pose]  Huwaa!

  [laughs] 

  Chad Stephens : Sorry, it's just so fresh.

  [does air karate chops] 

  Chad Stephens : Jackie Chan, you know.

  Sara Lance : [still unimpressed]  I prefer knives and swords.

  Chad Stephens : Right, yeah. "Point" taken.

  [laughs]