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Reviews
Reacher (2022)
Had to change my rating for bc of Season 2
I gave Reacher a 9 after it's first season. It wasn't ground breaking and the script wasn't outstanding but it checked all the boxes for what my son and I were looking for in a new series.
We've been waiting for season 2 with baited breath and wtf are we watching?
The writing is so horribly bad that you can't believe the words are coming out of their mouths!
I can't get over how stupid and ridiculous incompetent the his whole team are. They literally stand out in the open all the time and plan things like "wait until they shoot, then....run when I say so!"
I have been hoping they entire cast of characters get thrown out of helicopters, including Reacher.
I had no idea how much Roscoe stole the show in season 1 until her character was gone!
Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023)
You have got to be kidding...
What on Earth did I just walk in to? I attended Aquaman 2 on New Years Day with my spouse. We both liked the first one (probably I more than her) and thought it was one of the more promising WB/DC franchises but what did I just watch?
2 minutes in and all the red flags were waiving that this was going to be bad. Really bad.
The CGI was so inconsistent that some scenes were excellent and others looked like someone filmed a game of Diablo II with a VHS camcorder and shoved it in.
The dialogue was possibly the worst I've ever seen in a big budget film.
They tried so hard to sell a Thor Ragnarok Loki/Thor buddy film at one point Arthur calls his brother Loki (just in case you didn't get it!)
The Machine (2023)
Pretty unwatchable
I used to like some of Bert's comedy but he's become more and more unbearable every year. To the point where he's virtually unwatchable now.
If the details of the story EVER match the excitement Bert feels and wants you to feel while telling it then it will be as big a hit as Bert and his friends want you to think.
I had to at least give it a shot to see if he'd improved or if with the miracle of editing and post production they could make the story palatable. They could not.
Not even a strong supporting cast could save this steaming pile of...steamy stuff that this dumpster fire is.
Bottom 10 movies I've ever seen!
The Gringo Papi (2022)
Wow...just WOW
There are no spoilers in this review, as it seems physically impossible to spoil something that was this bad to begin with.
It's bizarre because it seems like the run time goes well over two hours while you're watching it, but it claims to only be about 25 min long (perhaps viewers lose track of time as they repeatedly punch themselves in the face for making the mistake of watching this dumpster fire wrapped up in a full capacity school bus, driving off a bridge).
The "jokes" are so bad I can't even see 8 year olds coming up with this fully REDACTED nonsense.
"What is a Mexican cookie? _____ with _____ on top?" Schaub literally committed 1st degree homicide on the LA Comedy scene when Rogan moved everyone with talent several Zip Codes away. It's THAT bad.
That '90s Show (2023)
If you accept it how it's intended
I'll start off by stating I did not dig the first episode. I didn't see anything that spoke "90's" and aside from nostalgia it seemed like over acting and forced plots/stereotypes.
Then I saw episode 2 and I immediately got it.
The show itself is a conundrum, you MUST have enough nostalgia to entice the original viewers so they kept the original house "70's Style", but then think about it, those parents of the 70's DID keep their old furniture and style up in to the 90's as grandparents. That checks out.
For the rest of the vibe aside from having them wear brands and play music that's clearly 90's like Grunge (which is WAY too expensive for royalties, although they managed to squeeze a bit in).
The final piece to episode 2 that clued me in has to do with the setting (no spoilers here). It immediately reminded me of Saved By the Bell, a fav of my sister growing up. Then I got it. THAT is how they are getting the 90's vibe.
The over acting, over dramatic everything you didn't see on that 70's show did happen on most 90's teen shows.
Watch it through that lens and it becomes pretty charming and enjoyable.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (1966)
Classic and iconic
This was a childhood staple for Xmas fare every December (along with Peanuts, Frosty, Rudolph etc).
I'm just realizing that I'm having a Mandela effect though, in that I 100% swear on my life the narrator was James Earl Jones, and I've seen this gem dozens of times.
I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced the same misremembering regarding the narrator.
Whenever I think of the main song You're a mean one...Mr Grinch, I cannot hear it in anyone else's voice than James Earl Jones.
I'd like to think that maybe, just maybe there's a VHS bargain bin in some small town video store selling a video of Sinbad dressed as a genie battling James Earl Jones dressed as the Grinch.
Homo Erectus (2007)
Bad...soooo soooo incredibly bad!
This movie is a disaster of epic proportions. It's hard to think of one redeeming quality.
The worst part was watching habitual perjurer Whitney Enriquez. Ron Jeremy's acting was like Sir Laurence Olivier compared to Enriquez, who acted more like a meth addict, carpet surfing for crumbs in the carpet.
Ally Carters performance was about the best thing to happen to this film.
Aquaman (2018)
Could have been great but for one horrid performance...
The Special FX are pretty spectacular, Jason plays a strong Arthur. Most of the actors are pretty good.
The problem is that actress playing Mera. I've seen better acting from an old Polaroid photo of a Totem Pole (I'm being generous).
The Mera actress looked like she forgot her lines and was looking off screen for queue cards half the time. Showed zero chemistry with the lead and wow was that red hair ever fake looking. Like why did everyone else including Willem Dafoe and Dolph Lundgren and Nicole Kidman ALL have beautiful natural looking hair pieces and Mera's all standing around with something they found at a Halloween pop up store?
When you combine that with the atrocious acting, lack of chemistry, unexplained origin story etc the film needs a reverse Snyder Cut treatment and they need to remove all of Mera's scenes and replace them with still shots of coral reef or Patrick from Sponge Bob saying her lines instead.
Just my opinions.
I'm probably not going to see the sequel if the casting director makes the same disappointing choices again.
On the plus side, maybe someone will make a fan cut of it and remove all those wooden scenes with Mera the way they have with Jar Jar and Ewoks.
The Beastmaster (1982)
This was a fantastic movie for its time!!!
I caught Beastmaster in theatre in 1982. This was a time when summer blockbusters stacker theatre's everywhere.
All I knew was there was a Conan like character in a movie that could summon animals under his control.
The movie is so much more than that.
The special effects are decent, actually good for the time. Marc is perfect in the lead.
The ferrets and the painted tiger aka black panther were comic entertainment, while still adding to the story line.
I have to mention Tanya Roberts who was in one of her first films and is just breath taking and gorgeous. There's chemistry between Dar and her character.
The weaponary is amazing. I love the glaive Dar throws that retreats like a boomerang. The made several replicas of that weapon. The sword also a nice touch.
I watched this with my son about 5 years ago and he loved Beastmaster. It holds up over time.