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Wynonna Earp: Purgatory (2016)
Sell trash by sexing it within 12 mins
There's a saying, you can sell trash by sexing it. 12 minutes it took this to run out of story and insert pointless sex with some virtually random dude. Why did they feel that they needed it? There was some promise in it. However the story has woeful sound control, making it difficult to understand what's being said, and jumping straight into a sex scene with some virtually random guy that Wynonna hadn't seen for however many years & just met up with 10 seconds prior simply highlights a lack of storytelling ability.
The Carmilla Movie (2017)
Acting & script like bargain basement rejects
There's only one reason to like this movie, and that's because it's got a lesbian theme.
Sorry, but that doesn't make a good movie. If you're with a group of mates getting drunk one Sunday & suddenly decide that you can make a movie, then just hodgepodge a few ideas together & go for it. Don't worry about a lack of acting talent, or nothing matching together, just get a few more drinks into you and it'll be right. All you'll need is a sex theme hook and nobody will care that a primary school's play production is of better quality.
If you want to watch anything because it's got a lesbian theme, then sure, go ahead, however if you want to watch a movie with some degree of quality in either acting or its script, then keep hunting.
Carmilla (2014)
Woeful acting, children in school plays do better
God, this makes Vampire Academy look good. You know primary school plays, and community theatre, well both in them would be ten times better. The pregnant pauses to wait for the next character to say their lines, & often rambling through the lines is only the start of the poor quality acting, only barely improved from a 1 score by a mediocre plot. The only reason I can think of why it'd ever score high marks from people is it teasing a lesbian love plot designed to hide how poor the quality of this production is, with the computer cam approach the only thing helping to disguise that it has the qualities of a group of people having gotten together on a Sunday afternoon, decided that they can make a short TV series, and uploading it that night.
And seriously, a season is supposed to be over a number of months, possibly six months, shouldn't they be changing outfits during that time (their unwashed stench is their true weapon against the vampires).
Seriously people, get drunk, believe you can make a TV series, and film it, it'll be to this same non-quality.
McDonald's Gets Grilled (2012)
Dodgy Pretend Exposé Funded By Company
So you have this company, let's call them McDonalds, pay this television company (supposedly $2m), lets call them Channel 7, to do this exposé on them. And in addition to that, they allegedly do an advertising deal to transfer a whole lot of advertisement away from other media to Channel 7.
Then this company (McDonalds), writes up what is to be said, the questions to be asked, and they get six supposedly "not supporters" and the so-called TV "reporter" to lob easy questions to McDonalds, and everybody ends up "converted".
But it's a totally genuine exposé.
iZombie (2015)
Watchable, Not Award Winning
There are several things that save this series from a meh rating. Rose McIver is likable. I don't know who she is, but she apparently has a fan club that heavily backs the show. She's likable on screen, and can put a little bit of extra life into an otherwise mediocre setting. The zombie angle is clearly there because the original premise or written material was mediocre on its own. OK, I don't know that it was added after, but it definitely has that "put a little herbs & spice into a meal to stop it from tasting bland" kind of feel.
Apparently, this series is made by the creators of Veronica Mars (I don't know this until went to write this review – btw I also have a VM review here). Well, it's no VM version2 (despite fanboys claiming otherwise). This series is somebody attempting to play it a little safe, like a cricketer hitting a single instead of hitting a boundary, or a baseballer hitting to left field to get to first base. It does succeed here, but possibly only because of McIver's likability.
They could have done more with McIver's zombiism, such as maybe make it more of a struggle not to eat a living person or something. Zombiism here is no more serious than being a vegetarian. But this is the work of creators seeking to keep things at the shallow end of the pool (without going into the children's section); perhaps too timid for another VM, or maybe incapable of reproducing their premier work.
At the end of season 2, I thought they were about to decimate all watchability from the show in season 3, but so far they've managed not to explode their internal organs onto the floor. We'll see how long they can continue with this safe, almost camp, but watchable series, but for now it's still worthy of viewing pleasure, as long as you're not expecting award winning writing from it.
Btw: It's really worth 6.5 to 6.8, but I'm not going to bump it up to 7 (because that's VM's rating - why VM only has a 7 is explained in that review).
Tonari no Totoro (1988)
Charmless
What makes a movie? Even more than plot? It's characters. Kiwi is an anime movie worth a 10 for her charm (even if she's not perfect). The characters here were simply charmless. With people boasting about this being the best, I was hoping for something as least half as good as the already mentioned movie by the same publisher. With plain dull characters, this pedestrian movie simply didn't give me anybody worth caring about to watch. And nothing can cure that. And no, I didn't bother watching until the end.
Veronica Mars (2004)
I'm Ignoring Season 3 For My Review & Rating (season 3 is worth -3 to rating)
You want to know why this great show didn't rate well? It's because having people in their mid 20s playing 17 year olds turns a lot of potential viewers off. I must have been in a tolerant mood when I watched the first episode, because I was 99% to that off button when I saw the 3rd mid 20s actor/actress pretending to be a high school student. Seriously, casting... (-2 for that alone)
I'm pleased I didn't, the show had greatness to it, and I can understand why people are puzzled as to why it didn't rate better. The show has a depth that most shows don't have. Maybe some don't like depth, but I suspect that biggest reason why it failed was the age of those pretending to be teenagers. You'll need to get past that if you want to enjoy this fine series.
Majo no takkyûbin (1989)
Don't need villains, just a cup of cocoa and a warm blanket
There's only a couple of tiny things I thought could have been better. Kiki comes off as rude to the boy, and you can't understand why the boy would like her. However, if you understand old cultural morals, that a girl isn't supposed to talk to strange boys, and not being rude would have been a blight on her character, the perspective of her interactions changes. The original Japanese version also showed an additional reason for her reaction, and when the English version toned down his original comment about her clothes, the English dubbers didn't quite convey it as well.
Overall, it's a beautiful rendition of an alternative Europe. When you want to relax and do nothing one evening, get a cup of cocoa, tuck yourself under a warm blanket, and watch this.
Btw: Don't listen to those disparaging the English version. Having now watched both versions, the English dubbed version is better in at least 90% of incidences where there's differences. So unless you have an incurable dislike to the westernised version of anything, watch the English dubbed version with Japanese music, it's the best.
The Outsiders (1983)
Story let down by mediocre plot
Some people love the movie because of the actors, others hate it because they want a "hit", but it should be judged on what is in the movie. And sorry to say, much of the material was feeble.
Not sure the lead character helped, but it's almost as if the director wanted to make a romance. The result is a film that stumbles its way through 100 minutes, wasting so much potential. If the movie didn't mope and whine its way through, trying too hard to be a tearjerker without showcasing any real emotion, it could have actually been special. Not to forget it attempting to bash some moral story onto the viewer, but not knowing what was the moral story it wanted to bash into people in the first place. The result is a movie containing nothing to love, or hate. A vacuum.
OK, it wasn't all bad, it was simply without direction or purpose. Some decent cinematography, a few flashes of potential in individual scenes. But not enough to make a movie. The director needed to pick a direction, and didn't.
The Worst Witch (2017)
Typical cheap 2nd tier BBC kids production
The only people who will want to watch this are those who read the books, and this unfortunately is a poorer relation to them. It's a typical second tier cheap BBC kids production, which even copies the same beginning starting theme present in other 2nd tier BBC kids productions. Whilst not outright bad, it merely goes from mediocre in the first episode, to slightly above thereafter. Watchable, even if a few things irritate.
The Outcasts (2017)
Meet jeek & weird, minus polish, Mean Girls gets satire treatment
If you add a bit of jeekiness and weirdness, take away a little bit of Hollywood polish and sophistication, and possibly stir in a pinch of satire on the Mean Girls & The Clique, then you'll have this movie. It's not an award winning movie, but if you take it as fun, you'll be fine with it.
Gifted (2017)
Stunning Actors, Perfect For Movie
The actors were good, and unusually, the child character (Mary) was as well. Mary was somebody you actually loved, and not because you were ordered to. Here's hoping that Hollywood doesn't destroy her like it has destroyed so many others. I do get the feeling about one thing regarding the movie (not to give way any plot - so forgive my slight vagueness), that maybe there was originally a different ending for this, and they were advised to rewrite it. Or maybe that's just my perception.
Raise Your Voice (2004)
Mood killer
I'm amazed at the "love it" comments, vs the "anti-Duff" comments. RT rates it at 15%, and it probably would be that if another actress was the lead. The mood of the movie was wrong, and even Duff couldn't quite bring it out its pit, or maybe casting Duff was wrong if they wanted a in the pit movie (which I don't think was their intention). Lots of people criticise Duff for this movie, when the problem is the casting and directing of it. They appear to have hired Duff to lighten up the movie, but she can only do so much, and the task was probably beyond any actress. It really needed a lot of work done to it before being made into a final product.
Veronica Mars (2014)
Mediocre End To The Great Veronica Storyline
I really don't understand why this movie has such a high rating. I watched the series, and hoped it would build and evolve on the qualities that made the first two seasons of the TV show (I pretend that season 3 doesn't exist). Unfortunately it wasn't to be. It's like watching mid-thirty year olds pretending they're still in high school. They don't even update their joke lines. What could have been great, turned out to be nothing but one of those 10 year reunions you attend, and during which you realise the world's moved on. It would have been better if this was never made. A mediocre end to the Veronica storyline.
(Ps: It's been suggested the high ratings is because of hard-core fans who funded it via Kickstarter have flooded the ratings. Personally, if I had been one of those, I would have been even more disappointed at this product).