1/10
Island Of Terrible!
30 April 2002
Warning: Spoilers
Too bad, the plot had the potential to be much better than the finished product turned out to be. To me, ISLAND OF TERROR was a thoroughly boring and predictable yawner. The special effects were laughable, even for the period in which the film was made. Perhaps, being a boorish American, I am missing some of the finer points of British acting and script writing. I saw nothing here that impressed me.

***SPOILERS AHEAD***

The possibility that two scientists attempting to develop a cancer-fighting drug could create (accidentally!) creatures with a well-developed nervous system (they can sense the presence of victims at some distance)and lacking an equally developed system of locomotion (a pack of snails could easily outdistance them) strains the bonds of plausibility. But create them they do, much to the dismay of the local population. These "silicates", by the way, have an appetite for bones only, which they dissolve and suck out using their single, clumsy tentacle. The fact that these creatures are able to catch any human or animal prey is a wonder of nature, because they also emit a loud noise that always precedes their arrival. It is not clear exactly how this noise is produced, as the creatures appear to have no lungs or vocal apparatus. Perhaps it is some sort of audio harmonic vibration produced by their silicon bodies as they drag themselves ponderously across the ground. Even at their snail-like top pursuit speed, they would have trouble overtaking anything moving faster than a rock or tree. In any case, the balance of the victim's body is left lying in a flabby pile wherever it happens to fall (kudos again to the special effects crew for some wonderfully unconvincing rubber dummies). One of the characters states that the creatures divide every six hours, producing two creatures for one. Strange that he should know this, as none of the characters has observed the existence of the creatures for more than six hours (movie time) when the statement is made. The division of the "silicates" is a sight to behold. It looks like two piles of spray-painted gray cow manure separating, while releasing a vast amount of a substance resembling partially congealed Jello mixed with a plate full of spaghetti. One must assume that the special effects men had to work with materials that were readily available, and that there must have been not only a pasture, but a hardware store and an Italian restaurant near the studio. Given the geometric proliferation rate of the "silicates", it is calculated that their population could quickly reach 1 million creatures unless something is done to stop them. The solution is to round up all the cattle on the island, inject them with Strontium-90, and allow the "silicates" to feast on them. Given the facts that there would be thousands of dead "silicates" full of Jello and spaghetti, assorted boneless human carcasses, and tons of flabby radioactive cattle flesh lying around the island at the climax, makes me feel a deep sympathy for those island residents who desired to return to their homes at the close of the film. One can only hope that they had a plentiful supply of clothes pins to place on their noses. By the way, it would be appropriate for the viewer to do the same before watching this stinker!
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