1/10
Me Tarzan, Me Suck
9 October 2023
Why is it the only successful Tarzan film of the last few decades was Disney's? When you make stuff like this, you've answered the question. John Clayton, aka Tarzan (Casper Van Dien), is in merry olde England circa 1913 and ready to marry his beloved Jane (Jane March). Tarzan has a vision sent by powerful medicine man Mugambe (Winston Ntshona) to return to Africa. Nigel Ravens (Steven Waddington) has been looting and pillaging local tribes. Ravens finds an amulet that is the key to a treasure in the titular lost city. Tarzan returns to Africa, and Jane follows. She stays in a small town where Ravens takes a liking to her as Tarzan goes back to nature in record time, upsetting Ravens' plans for an expedition to get the treasure. Young Kaya (Rapulana Seiphemo) wants to fight the white men, but Mugambe and Tarzan disagree. The rest of the film is a by-the-numbers exercise in screenwriting. There are a lot of chase scenes through the jungle, as Tarzan and Jane shadow Ravens and his henchmen, with a culminating battle at the lost city after Jane is kidnapped by the baddies.

This is painful to watch. Casper Van Dien is all wrong as Tarzan. He is too lean and compact, when Johnny Weissmuller was tall and big. Van Dien also forgets his British accent in every other scene. Waddington tries, but his part is so predictable that he cannot bring anything new to it- no actor could. Jane March is fine as Jane, she starts out tough but becomes another damsel in distress, waiting for her man to come rescue her. You cannot screw up African scenery, but Schenkel's direction is awful. The film is edited down to nothing but action scenes, so any hope for a new twist on the Tarzan legend is dashed. The computer generated special effects are terrible. The special ape makeup is often hard to see, as if the director knew it did not work at all. The film plays like a double episode of a 1990's syndicated action show. "Tarzan and the Lost City" shows that no one can make them like they used to. The old MGM series has nothing to worry about.
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